It was on the morning of this tenth day that he definitely promised his
friends in the City the expression on the morrow of his final view of
Mrs. Midmore. He had hung the night before, again postponing
re-entrance, in front of the habitation contingently reserved for her,
and he had now returned westward with a certain gathered and penitent
sharpness on the subject of action. Action would be to drive straight to
Mansfield Square, indulge himself with another impression, let this
impression settle the case and then wire to the City the result of it.
It so befell none the less that he repaired again--and as if
mechanically and in the beguiling intensity of this conclusion--to his
lodgings, where, instead of taking, after a glance at some letters that
had come in, a prompt fresh start, he dropped into a chair and drew it
a foot or two nearer the fire that a particularly English April seemed
huskily to have prescribed. The day was dark and damp, and it had
suddenly occurred to him that not once yet, since the hour, at home, of
his sombre station in the Park, had he so much as stopped to think. He
had in very fact, as we make out, not stopped thinking, for what had it
been but thought that drove him on and kept him going?--the thought of
all the use he should have for the abounding fruits of a larger
perception, the thought of the really wonderful book, as it would be
this time, that he foresaw himself writing. That was as far as he had
got with the book, of which the plan still remained sketchy; he
prefigured it mainly as a volume that should "count"--which meant for
him to be noticed by the half-dozen persons who themselves counted and
who would more or less understand. He had already, and even repeatedly,
asked himself when he should be able so to detach himself as to think at
all straight about his book; detachment and selection, prime aids of the
artist, were the sacred sparenesses menaced by a rank growth of
material. It was perhaps the better to think that he now put back his
head and closed his eyes; he at any rate considered to such purpose that
he never moved for two hours. The first conception his mind had
registered was that he was brutally tired. When he woke the day was
darker, and on shaking himself for a look from his window he was met by
a state of rain. Wet, muddy, ugly, the spring afternoon offered nothing
of its own and seemed to mark a general break of the spells it had
hitherto helped to work. Number Nine, from beyond its interposing spread
of splashy crossings, faced him for the first time without its high
authority. But this note of the hour soon determined him only the more:
if he had in fact let too fresh a fancy run away with him it positively
concerned his self-respect that the extravagance should cease. There was
a question in a word to clear up--a question sufficiently identical,
moreover, with the other and immediate one, the one he must no longer
leave open.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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