MARY. You don't understand. I mean, I never knew that he had
anything to do with _me_--that he was my father's brother.
MANSON. Didn't _he_ know?
MARY. Who--father? Oh, you see, I. . . _I don't know my father_
. . . . . . Uncle William didn't know anything about it until
yesterday.
MANSON. Hm! That is strange, too!
MARY. There's a bit of a mystery about it altogether. Would you
like to hear? It is rather like a fairy-tale.
MANSON. It must be. Yes, do go on.
MARY. It was all through Uncle William's Restoration Fund. You
see, our old church is in a perfectly rotten state of decay, and
naturally it would take a lot to repair it: so uncle thought of
starting a Fund--Yes! Wasn't it clever of him?--I addressed all
the envelopes.
Would you believe it, we couldn't get a single halfpenny! Isn't it
a shame?--Such a nice old church, too!
MANSON. How was that?
MARY. That's the question! People have been most rude! Oh, the
letters we have had! The funny thing is, for all their
fault-finding, they none of them agree with each other!--Some say
the foundations are all wrong: some don't like the stained-glass
windows; but if you ask me . . .
MANSON. Yes, what do you think?
MARY. Well, uncle won't hear of it; but I can't help thinking old
Bletchley is right . . .
MANSON. Who's he?
MARY. Oh, he's a dreadfully wicked man, I know that-- He's the
quack doctor in the village: he's--he's _an atheist_! . . .
MANSON. Well, what does he think is the matter?
MARY. He says it's the DRAIN!
MANSON. The--the drain? . . .
MARY. Um! You know, in spite of what uncle says, there is a
smell: I had it in my nose all last Sunday morning. Up in the
choir it's bad enough, and round by the pulpit-- Ugh! I can't
think how uncle stands it!
That's why the people won't come to church-- They _say_ so: they
stand in the market-place listening to old Bletchley, instead of
listening to uncle and trying to be good.
The odd thing Is, it must be that very same drain that's causing
the trouble in uncle's study-- That's his study out there, where
they've been digging: it's where he writes his sermons. You know,
_I've_ noticed the smell for some time, but uncle got so cross
whenever I mentioned it, that I learned to hold my tongue. At
last, auntie smelt it, too, and that soon brought the men in! Ugh!
Perhaps you've . . .
MANSON. I have! But what has all this to do with . . .
MARY. Don't get impatient: it's all part of the story. . . .
Well, we thought we should have poor dear Uncle William perfectly
ill . . .
MANSON. Because of the drain? . . .
MARY. No, because of the Fund. He tried everything: all his rich
friends, bazaars, jumble-sales, special intercessions--everything!
And nothing seemed to come of it!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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