Just as Tanya Kovalchuk had thought all her life only of others and
never of herself, so now she suffered and grieved painfully, but only
for her comrades. She pictured death, only as awaiting them, as
something tormenting only to Sergey Golovin, to Musya, to the others—as
for herself, it did not concern her.
As a recompense for her firmness and restraint in the courtroom she
wept for long hours, as old women who have experienced great misery, or
as very sympathetic and kind-hearted young people know how to weep. And
the fear that perhaps Seryozha was without tobacco or Werner without
the strong tea to which he was accustomed, in addition to the fact that
they were to die, caused her no less pain than the idea of the
execution itself. Death was something inevitable and even unimportant,
of which it was not worth while to think; but for a man in prison,
before his execution, to be left without tobacco—that was altogether
unbearable. She recalled and went over in her mind all the pleasant
details of their life together, and then she grew faint with fear when
she pictured to herself the meeting between Sergey and his parents.
She felt particularly sorry for Musya. It had long seemed to her that
Musya loved Werner, and although this was not a fact, she still dreamed
of something good and bright for both of them. When she had been free,
Musya had worn a silver ring, on which was the design of a skull,
bones, and a crown of thorns about them. Tanya Kovalchuk had often
looked upon the ring as a symbol of doom, and she would ask Musya, now
in jest, now in earnest, to remove the ring.
“Make me a present of it,” she had begged.
“No, Tanechka, I will not give it to you. But perhaps you will soon
have another ring upon your finger.”
For some reason or other they all in turn had thought that she would
doubtless soon marry, and this had offended her—she wanted no husband.
And recalling these half-jesting conversations with Musya, and the fact
that now Musya was actually condemned to death, she choked with tears
in her maternal pity. And each time the clock struck she raised her
tear-stained face and listened—how were they in the other cells
receiving this drawn-out, persistent call of death?
But Musya was happy.
With her hands folded behind her back, dressed in a prisoner’s garb
which was much too large for her, and which made her look very much
like a man—like a stripling dressed in some one else’s clothes—she
paced her cell evenly and tirelessly. The sleeves of the coat were too
long for her, and she turned them up, and her thin, almost childish,
emaciated hands peeped out of the wide holes like a beautiful flower
out of a coarse earthen jug. The rough material of the coat rubbed her
thin white neck, and sometimes Musya would free her throat with both
hands and would cautiously feel the spot where the irritated skin was
red and smarted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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