To Vasily Kashirin, who was condemned to death by hanging, everything
now seemed like children’s playthings: his cell, the door with the
peephole, the strokes of the wound-up clock, the carefully molded
fortress, and especially that mechanical puppet with the gun who
stamped his feet in the corridor, and the others who, frightening him,
peeped into his cell through the little window and handed him the food
in silence. And that which he was experiencing was not the fear of
death; death was now rather welcome to him. Death with all its eternal
mysteriousness and incomprehensibility was more acceptable to his
reason than this strangely and fantastically changed world. What is
more, death seemed to have been destroyed completely in this insane
world of phantoms and puppets, having lost its great and enigmatic
significance, becoming something mechanical and only for that reason
terrible. He would be seized, taken, led, hanged, pulled by the feet,
the rope would be cut, he would be taken down, carried off and buried.
And the man would have disappeared from the world.
At the trial the nearness of his comrades brought Kashirin to himself.
For an instant he imagined he saw real people; they were sitting and
trying him, speaking like human beings, listening, apparently
understanding him. But as he mentally rehearsed the meeting with his
mother he clearly felt with the terror of a man who is beginning to
lose his reason and who realizes it, that this old woman in the black
little kerchief was only an artificial, mechanical puppet, of the kind
that can say “pa-pa,” “ma-ma,” but somewhat better constructed. He
tried to speak to her, while thinking at the same time with a shudder:
“O Lord! That is a puppet. A mother doll. And there is a
soldier-puppet, and there, at home, is a father-puppet, and this is the
puppet of Vasily Kashirin.”
It seemed to him that in another moment he would hear somewhere the
creaking of the mechanism, the screeching of unoiled wheels. When his
mother began to cry, something human again flashed for an instant, but
at the very first words it disappeared again, and it was interesting
and terrible to see that water was flowing from the eyes of the doll.
Then, in his cell, when the terror had become unbearable, Vasily
Kashirin attempted to pray. Of all that had surrounded his childhood
days in his father’s house under the guise of religion only a
repulsive, bitter and irritating sediment remained; but faith there was
none. But once, perhaps in his earliest childhood, he had heard a few
words which had filled him with palpitating emotion and which remained
during all his life enwrapped with tender poetry. These words were:
“The joy of all the afflicted...”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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