I felt the inexpugnable strength of common sense being insidiously
menaced by this gruesome, by this insane, delusion. And I said:
“You mustn’t talk so much. You will tire yourself.”
“And there is the ship herself,” he persisted in a whisper.
“Now, not a word more,” I said, stepping in and laying my hand on his
cool forehead. It proved to me that this atrocious absurdity was rooted
in the man himself and not in the disease, which, apparently, had
emptied him of every power, mental and physical, except that one fixed
idea.
I avoided giving Mr. Burns any opening for conversation for the next few
days. I merely used to throw him a hasty, cheery word when passing his
door. I believe that if he had had the strength he would have called out
after me more than once. But he hadn’t the strength. Ransome, however,
observed to me one afternoon that the mate “seemed to be picking up
wonderfully.”
“Did he talk any nonsense to you of late?” I asked casually.
“No, sir.” Ransome was startled by the direct question; but, after a
pause, he added equably: “He told me this morning, sir, that he was
sorry he had to bury our late captain right in the ship’s way, as one
may say, out of the Gulf.”
“Isn’t this nonsense enough for you?” I asked, looking confidently at
the intelligent, quiet face on which the secret uneasiness in the man’s
breast had thrown a transparent veil of care.
Ransome didn’t know. He had not given a thought to the matter. And with
a faint smile he flitted away from me on his never-ending duties, with
his usual guarded activity.
Two more days passed. We had advanced a little way--a very little
way--into the larger space of the Gulf of Siam. Seizing eagerly upon
the elation of the first command thrown into my lap, by the agency of
Captain Giles, I had yet an uneasy feeling that such luck as this has
got perhaps to be paid for in some way. I had held, professionally,
a review of my chances. I was competent enough for that. At least, I
thought so. I had a general sense of my preparedness which only a man
pursuing a calling he loves can know. That feeling seemed to me the most
natural thing in the world. As natural as breathing. I imagined I could
not have lived without it.
I don’t know what I expected. Perhaps nothing else than that
special intensity of existence which is the quintessence of youthful
aspirations. Whatever I expected I did not expect to be beset by
hurricanes. I knew better than that. In the Gulf of Siam there are no
hurricanes. But neither did I expect to find myself bound hand and foot
to the hopeless extent which was revealed to me as the days went on.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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