He watched her figure--white was not the word for it in this midnight
world--pass away into the darkness. And, as she disappeared, the bell
seemed still to toll, “Gone. Gone. Gone.”
So he was alone.
He was alone. The hours went by and he still sat there. The white roses
near him, they, too, only a strange blossoming of darkness, symbolized,
in their almost aching sweetness, the departed presence. He breathed in
their fragrance; and, as he listened to his own quiet breaths, they
seemed those of the night made conscious in him. The roses remembered
for him; the night breathed through him; it was an interchange, a
mingling. Above were the deep vaults of heaven, the profundities of
distance, the appalling vastness, strewn with its dust of stars. And it,
too, was with him, in him, as the roses were, as his own breath came and
went.
The veils had now lifted from the night and it was radiant, all its
stars visible; and veil after veil seemed drifting from before his soul.
A cool, light breeze stirred his hair.
Closing his eyes, at last, his thought plunged, as his sight had
plunged, into gulf under gulf of vacancy.
After the unutterable fatigue, like the sinking under anæsthesia, of his
final yielding, he could not know what was happening to him, nor care.
It had often happened before, only never quite like this. It was, once
more, the great peace, lapping wave after wave, slow, sliding,
immeasurable waves, through and through him; dissolving thought and
feeling; dissolving all discord, all pain, all joy and beauty.
The hours went by, and, as they went, Eppie’s face, like a drift of
stars, sank, sank into the gulf. What had he said to her? what promised?
Only the fragrance of the roses seemed to remember, nothing in himself.
For what had he wanted? He wanted nothing now. Her will, her life, had
seized him; but no, no, no,--the hours quietly, in their passing seemed
to say it,--they had not kept him. He had at last, after a lifelong
resistance, abandoned himself to her, and the abandonment had been the
final step toward complete enfranchisement. For, with no effort now of
his own at escape, no will at all to be free, he had left her far behind
him, as if through the waters of the whirlpool his soul, like a light
bubble, had softly, surely, risen to the air. It had lost itself, and
her.
He thought of her, but now with no fear, no anguish. A vast indifference
filled him. It was no longer a question of tearing himself from her, no
longer a question of saving himself and her. There was no question, nor
any one to save. He was gone away, from her, from everything.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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