But, in the days that followed the death,--days ghost-like, yet
sharp,--he lingered, so that she paused with him in that pause of
stillness in his life, that morning in the spring woods when everything
had softly, gently shown an abiding strangeness. He told her all about
that: about the look of the day, not knowing why he so wanted her to see
it, too, but it seemed to explain more than anything else--the pale,
high sky, the gray branches, the shining water and the little bird that
hopped to drink. He himself looked ghost-like while he spoke--sunken,
long, dark, impalpable, in the deep chair, his thin white fingers
lightly interlocked, his face showing only the oddity of its strange yet
beautiful oval and its shadowy eyes and lips. All whiteness and shadow,
he might have been a projection from the thought of the woman, who,
before him, leaned her head on her hand, warm, breathing, vivid with
color, her steady eyes seeing phantoms unafraid.
After that there wasn’t much left to explain, it seemed--except Alice,
that last convulsive effort of life to seize and keep him; and that
didn’t take long--made, as it were, a little allegory, with nameless
abstractions to symbolize the old drama of the soul entrameled and
finally set free again. The experience of the spring woods had really
been the decisive one. He came back to that again, at the end of his
story. “It’s really, that experience, what in another kind of
temperament is called conversion.”
Her eyes had looked away from him at last. “No,” she said, “conversion
is something that gives life.”
“No,” he rejoined, “it’s something that lifts one above it.”
The fundamental contest spoke again, and after that they were both
silent. He, too, had looked away from her when the story was over, and
he knew, from her deep, slow breathing, that the story had meant a great
deal to her. It was not a laboring breath, nor broken by pain to sighs;
but it seemed, in its steady rhythm, to accept and then to conquer what
he had put before her. That he should so hear it, not looking at her,
filled the silence with more than words; and, as in the afternoon, he
sought the relief of words.
“So you see,” he said, in his lighter voice, “thorns and precipices and
terrors dissolve like dreams.” She had seen everything and he was
ushering her out. But his eyes now met hers, looking across the little
space at him.
“And I? Do I, too, dissolve like a dream?” she said.
His smile now was lighter than his voice had been. “Absolutely. Though I
own that you are a highly colored phantom. Your color is very vivid
indeed. Sometimes it almost masters my thought.”
He had not, in his mere wish for ease, quite known what he meant to say,
and now her look did not show him any deepened consciousness; but,
suddenly, he felt that under his lightness and her quiet the current ran
deeply.
“I master your thought?” she repeated. “Doesn’t that make you distrust
thought sometimes?”
“No,” he laughed. “It makes me distrust you, dear Eppie.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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