The Shadow of the PastYoung, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
Philosophy
The Shadow of the Past
Young, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
South African War, 1899-1902 -- Fiction; Triangles (Interpersonal relations) -- Fiction
There was no danger in the undertaking; it would have appealed more
strongly had the dangerous element intruded; there was no particular
satisfaction in it beyond the pecuniary gain. Politics did not interest
him; but he was averse to this backstairs method of abetting agitators.
Agitators were insufferable nuisances. He had always felt that.
Usually they were moved by motives of personal interest; and they lacked
reasonableness. The latter placed them outside the limit of sympathy.
When one can't reason with a man one loses the desire to grasp his point
of view. It struck him as odd that Holman should be one of these
ill-balanced people; he had always regarded him as a shrewd and
peculiarly level-headed man. As a political malcontent he appeared in a
new light, a light that flared artificially about him and revealed a
queer motley of anachronistic effects--modern civilisation practising
the customs of bygone intrigue in a country that was young, in the
accepted sense of development, and more ancient than history itself. He
couldn't understand it.
After a while he ceased to concern himself with that aspect of the case,
and brought his attention to bear upon the more personal view. He would
be blind to self-interest if he could not perceive that the proposal,
apart from its unpleasant flavour of intrigue, was altogether favourable
to himself. He believed it to be prompted by purely friendly feeling,
and a desire to accommodate without humiliating him. Regarding it thus,
he could only appreciate the generosity and good feeling which dictated
it, and marvel at his own reluctance to accept this opportunity of
regaining half, or all, that he had lost. But the reluctance remained,
and revealed itself, even when he had overcome it sufficiently to decide
in favour of closing with the offer, in the ungracious acquiescence
which he gave.
"All right," he said, sitting up and fidgeting with the sand. "That
sort of thing isn't exactly in my line, but I'll do it--if I lose."
"And ask no questions?" Holman said, without moving.
"And keep my mouth shut in any circumstance..."
They cut, and Matheson dealt.
This gamble, with its odd stakes and uncertain issue, was like no other
game he had ever engaged in. He felt as a man might feel who stakes
life or liberty upon a chance without sufficient justification.
Possibly it was because in some subconscious way he realised that it was
honour that was at stake that made the issue of such tremendous
importance to him. He had to win. He would not admit the possibility
of failure.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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