The Shriek: A Satirical BurlesqueSomerville, Charles
General
The Shriek: A Satirical Burlesque
Somerville, Charles
Hull, E. M. (Edith Maude). Sheik -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Satire
Verbeena smiled and started another cigarette. She went over to the
camel, rubbed its clever nose, brought out her gold-lined case and fed
the camel a ciggy too.
Then she turned toward her brother--turned with boyish abandon and
hauteur, of course--and spoke. Speaking she said:
"That will be about all from you, Tawd. Pack your gat."
Montrose, her brother's valet, an unexpectedly, entirely unusual
perfect servant, came along the Sahara bearing two plates of soup. It
was the appointed dining hour for Lord Tawdry. Regardless of what he
might do as to debts, he insisted on prompt feeding.
"Drop that soup," said Verbeena sternly. "Your master isn't staying to
dinner and the soup will not stain the sand.
"Instead, Montrose," continued Verbeena, "get out the fine comb, for
this day finds your master with more sand than soup in his hanging
gardens.
"Afterwards tie his shoes and put on his sunbonnet for Lord Tawdry is
going day-day."
"Yes, miss, thank you, miss."
"Back to the Biscuit, you understand, Montrose."
"Yes, miss; thank God, miss."
"Verbeena!"
Again Lord Tawdry clutched his pistol.
"Aw-blooey," said Verbeena. "As long as you aim it at men I don't in
the least mind. To horse, Lord Tawdry! This is my camp and you just
keep out of it, do you hear?"
As her brother rode dejectedly away, his long, black mustaches of
Spanish moss effect mingling with the turf on his charger's
ginger-colored hump, Verbeena lit a bunch of cigarettes in his honor
and let go a devilish wink at Musty Ale.
Musty's palms went up toward the heavens.
"O, Allah, witness," he chanted, his chin also pointing at the azure
African sky, "be she, he or it--SOME kid!"
CHAPTER III
When the last floating ends of Lord Tawdry's face-banners had
disappeared over the horizon, Musty Ale made bold to appear before
Verbeena, who with eyes crossed was dipping deeply into a highball of
Scotch which tended to denature the Sahara.
"Mademoiselle, it is time that we left, by Allah," he said.
"It isn't by my watch," she replied, frowning. "Also, Musty, I am no
longer to be called mademoiselle. After this mention me as Queen."
"Sultana?"
"I don't like that fruit-cracker word either, my good man. _Queen!_
And don't forget it. And don't look cross at me in your mysterious
Oriental way. You might as well get used to it. Perhaps I'm not a
queen yet but," as she filled her three slim gold cigarette cases, "I
soon will be. _Queen._ Understand?"
"%--&&&&&*% *(*)#**"*# ---- ---!!!!." muttered Musty in his native
tongue. (A darned barefaced queen in britches! May the Prophet part me
from my whiskers!)
"What, sirrah?"
"Allah witness, I said nothing."
"Keep right on doing that," said Verbeena.
Her words came in a tone of authority which added to the fact that she
accurately snapped a live fag end at his right eye, caused Musty to
sink through his jelab or Sahara overcoat.
But after he had dug himself a shell hole in the desert, he said from
deeply beneath his head wrappings:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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