On that evening he said no more of Johnny Eames, but said much of
the difficulty of a man establishing himself with a wife in London,
who had nothing but his own moderate income on which to rely. He did
not in so many words tell her that if her friends could make up for
her two or three thousand pounds,--that being much less than he had
expected when he first made his offer,--this terrible difficulty
would be removed; but he said enough to make her understand that the
world would call him very imprudent in taking a girl who had nothing.
And as he spoke of these things, Lily remaining for the most part
silent as he did so, it occurred to him that he might talk to her
freely of his past life,--more freely than he would have done had he
feared that he might lose her by any such disclosures. He had no fear
of losing her. Alas! might it not be possible that he had some such
hope!
He told her that his past life had been expensive; that, though he
was not in debt, he had lived up to every shilling that he had, and
that he had contracted habits of expenditure which it would be almost
impossible for him to lay aside at a day's notice. Then he spoke of
entanglements, meaning, as he did so, to explain more fully what were
their nature,--but not daring to do so when he found that Lily was
altogether in the dark as to what he meant. No; he was not a generous
man,--a very ungenerous man. And yet, during all this time, he
thought that he was guided by principle. "It will be best that I
should be honest with her," he said to himself. And then he told
himself, scores of times, that when making his offer he had expected,
and had a right to expect, that she would not be penniless. Under
those circumstances he had done the best he could for her--offering
her his heart honestly, with a quick readiness to make her his own
at the earliest day that she might think possible. Had he been more
cautious, he need not have fallen into this cruel mistake; but she,
at any rate, could not quarrel with him for his imprudence. And
still he was determined to stand by his engagement and willing to
marry her, although, as he the more thought of it, he felt the more
strongly that he would thereby ruin his prospects, and thrust beyond
his own reach all those good things which he had hoped to win. As
he continued to talk to her he gave himself special credit for his
generosity, and felt that he was only doing his duty by her in
pointing out to her all the difficulties which lay in the way of
their marriage.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account