In the meantime Lady Alexandrina endeavoured to realize to herself
all the advantages and disadvantages of her own position. She was not
possessed of strong affections, nor of depth of character, nor of
high purpose; but she was no fool, nor was she devoid of principle.
She had asked herself many times whether her present life was so
happy as to make her think that a permanent continuance in it would
suffice for her desires, and she had always replied to herself that
she would fain change to some other life if it were possible. She
had also questioned herself as to her rank, of which she was quite
sufficiently proud, and had told herself that she could not degrade
herself in the world without a heavy pang. But she had at last taught
herself to believe that she had more to gain by becoming the wife of
such a man as Crosbie than by remaining as an unmarried daughter of
her father's house. There was much in her sister Amelia's position
which she did not envy, but there was less to envy in that of her
sister Rosina. The Gazebee house in St. John's Wood Road was not
so magnificent as Courcy Castle; but then it was less dull, less
embittered by torment, and was moreover her sister's own.
"Very many do marry commoners," she had said to Margaretta.
"Oh, yes, of course. It makes a difference, you know, when a man has
a fortune."
Of course it did make a difference. Crosbie had no fortune, was not
even so rich as Mr. Gazebee, could keep no carriage, and would have
no country house. But then he was a man of fashion, was more thought
of in the world than Mr. Gazebee, might probably rise in his own
profession,--and was at any rate thoroughly presentable. She would
have preferred a gentleman with £5,000 a year; but then as no
gentleman with £5,000 a year came that way, would she not be happier
with Mr. Crosbie than she would be with no husband at all? She was
not very much in love with Mr. Crosbie, but she thought that she
could live with him comfortably, and that on the whole it would be a
good thing to be married.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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