Click! Click! Goes my typewriter, Transcribing letters That the Boss dictates around His chew After he has discussed the weather, And the squeak in his car, And his young hopeful's latest, And the L. of N. Click! Click! While he writes impudent Things For the Line About the Stenos, And asks me how to spell The words. Hark! To the death rattle of The cuspidor Upset, As he departs at two o'clock To golf, While I type on Till five. Agnes. * * * Mr. Gompers advises labor to accomplish its desires at the polls, instead of chasing after the red gods of political theory. This is excellently gomped, and will make as deep an impression as an autumn leaf falling on a rock. * * * Since the so-called working classes are unable or unwilling to do so simple a sum as dividing the total wealth of a nation by the number of its inhabitants; since they cannot or will not understand that if the profits of an industry are exceeded by the wages paid, the industry must stop; since they only reason _a posteriori_ when that is well kicked, and by themselves--it is fortunate that the United States has the opportunity to watch the progress of the experiment now making in England. * * * Nowadays the buying and dispatching of Christmas gifts is scientifically made. One merely selects this or that and orders it sent to So-and So. One turns in to a book store a list of titles and a list of names and addresses, and the book store does the rest. Consequently one misses the pleasant labor of tying up the gift, of journeying to the post-office, to have it weighed and stamped, and of dropping it through the slot and wondering whether the string will break, or whether the package will go astray. * * * We were engaged in dropping newly-minted double-eagles into the Christmas stockings of our contributors when an auto truck got mired near our chamber window, and the roar of it woke us up. * * * Japanese, Chinese, Hindus, and other Orientals are disliked, not because of race or color, but because they are willing to work. Anyone who is willing to work in these times is, like the needy knife-grinder, a wretch whom no sense of wrongs can rouse to vengeance. * * * Washladies get more money for less work than any other members of the leisure class, with the exception of the persons who work on putting greens. In addition to their wage, they get car-fare and two or three meals. Why? Because it is not generally known that a mere man, with a washing machine and a bucket of solution, can do more washing in three hours than a washlady does in three days. * * * What do they mean "industrial unrest"? Industry never rested so frequently or for such protracted periods. * * *