I sing of arms and heroes, just because All else is shadowed by that topic fearful; But I've a mind to chuck it [Loud applause], And tune my dollar harp to themes more cheerful. * * * Listen, Laura, Mary, Jessica, Dorothy, and other sweet singers! Gadder Roy, who is toiling over the pitcher-and-bowl circuit, wishes that some poet would do a lyric on that salvation of the traveler, Ham and Eggs. He doubts that it can be done by anybody who has not, time out of mind, scanned a greasy menu in a greasier hashery, and finally made it h. and e. * * * WE FEARED WE HAD STARTED SOMETHING. Sir: Should G. E. Thorpe's typewritten communications carrying the suggestion GET/FAT precede or follow our communications which carry EAT/ME? E. A. T. THEY'RE OFF! Sir: What position in your letter file, respecting the suggestions of GET/FAT, will my typewritten letters land, as they end thusly: "HEL/NO"? H. E. L. SWEETLY INEFFECTIVE. Sir: Perhaps the reason my collection letters have so little effect lately is that these cheerless communications always conclude with JAM/JAR. J. A. M. BUT APROPOS. Sir: All this GET/FAT excitement reminds me of the case, so old it's probably new again, of one Simmons, who wrote letters for one Green, and signed them "Green, per Simmons." W. S. SORRY. THERE WERE SEVERAL IN LINE AHEAD OF YOU. Sir: I have been waiting, very patiently, for some one to inform you that the sincerity of A. L. Lewis, manager of the country elevator department of the Quaker Oats Company, is sometimes made questionable by the initials, ALL/GAS, appearing on his business correspondence. O. K. * * * THE SECOND POST. [Received by a clothing company.] Dear Sirs: I received the suits you sent me but in blue not gray as I said. Don't try to send me your refuss, I am sending them back. I ain't color blind or a jack ass, you shouldn't treat me as that. I understand your wife is making coats for ladies now. Have her make one (dark) for my wife who is a stout 42 with a fer neck. Now send me what I asked for, the old woman is perticular. The trousers you sent wouldn't slip over my head. Ever faithful, etc. * * * For Academy Ghost, or Familiar Spirit, P. D. Q. nominates Miss Bessie Spectre of Boston. * * * "The lake is partially frozen over and well filled with skaters."--Janesville Gazette. Three children sliding on the ice, Upon a summer's day, As it fell out, they all fell in, The rest they ran away. Ma Goose. * * * There is plenty of snap to the department of mathematics in the Shortridge high school in Indianapolis. The head of the department is Walter G. Gingery. * * *