American wit and humor; Newspapers -- Sections, columns, etc. -- Excerpts
The advantages of a classical education are so obvious that the
present-day battle in its behalf seems a waste of energy. Frezzample,
without a classical education how could you appreciate the fact that Mr.
Odessey is now running a Noah's Ark candy kitchen in St. Peter, Wis.?
* * *
One may believe that the "gift of healing" is nothing more than the
application of imaginary balm to non-existent disease, but if one says
so he gets into a jolly row with people who consider an open mind
synonymous with credulity. Our own state of mind was accurately
described by Charles A. Dana: "I don't believe in ghosts," said he, "but
I've been afraid of them all my life."
* * *
The congregation will rise and sing:
Bill Bryan's heart is a-mouldering in the grave,
But his lungs go marching on.
* * *
The astronomer Hamilton "made an expedition to Dublin to substitute a
semi-colon for a colon"; but, reports J. E. R., "my wife's brother's
brother-in-law's doctor charged him $600 for removing only part of a
colon."
* * *
Few readers realize how much time is expended in making certain that
commas are properly distributed. Thomas Campbell walked six miles to a
printer's to have a comma in one of his poems changed to a semi-colon.
* * *
Following a bout with the gloves, a Seattle
clubman is reported "in a state of comma." A
doctor writes us that infection by the colon bacillus
can be excluded, but we should say that what
the patient needs is not a doctor but a proof
reader.
* * *
"She played Liszt's Rhapsodie No. 2 with remarkable speed," relates the
Indianapolis News. In disposing of Liszt's Rhapsodies it is all right to
step on the accelerator, as the sooner they are finished the better.
* * *
GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY CLIMATE, AND FORGIVE US OUR DROPS IN
TEMPERATURE!
[From the Pasadena Star-News.]
To put it in another form of expression, Mother Nature maintains poise
and evenness of temper in this state far better than in most regions on
this terrestrial ball. If you haven't thanked God to-day that you are
privileged to live in California it is not yet too late to do so. Make
it a daily habit. The blessing is worth this frequent expression of
gratitude to the All High.
* * *
VARIANT OF A MORE OR LESS WELL KNOWN STORY.
[From the Exeter, Neb., News.]
Whoever took the whole pumpkin pie from Mrs. W. H. Taylor's kitchen the
night of the party was welcome to it as the cat had stepped in it twice
and it could not be used. Many thanks for the pan, she says.
* * *
THE WORLD'S GREATEST WINTER RESORT.
"_Because of high temperatures and chinooks
Medicine Hat is menaced with an ice famine._"
They bask in the sunshine and purr like a cat,
The fortunate people of Medicine Hat.
Its climate is balmy in spite of the lat.;
You have a wrong notion of Medicine Hat.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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