He would come back; whether he liked it or not, he must come back. Did
she not possess something that linked her to him for all times,
something that he was bound to cross her threshold to claim? Not Lilly!
No doubt he loved his child, loved her with tenderness, and took
delight in her outward and inward charm. Yet she was but a toy to amuse
him in his idle hours; in his vagabond heart there was no place for a
steady paternal love. Even in hours when he felt most lonely and
depressed, he would never have dreamed of seeking solace in the company
of a child. The tie was something that bound him closer to her than
their child. It was a roll of music in manuscript, and that was all. It
would have been easy enough for him to stuff it into the portmanteau on
the day that he had started on the memorable journey. He had indeed
thought of doing it, but at the last, in his eagerness to seize the
moment of escape without again facing his suspicious wife, he had
forgotten everything else.
This roll of manuscript contained all that had been his anchor during
the fifteen years of stagnation in a narrow middle-class groove, all
that had linked his future with the fiery aspirations of his youth and
the glorious hopefulness of his adolescence. Slender as it was, this
roll of manuscript embraced his whole life's work. It was his "Song of
Songs." As long as Lilly could remember, nothing in the world had ever
been spoken of with such bated breath, such reverent awe, as this
composition, of which no one save Lilly and her mother knew a single
note. It was something as yet altogether unknown and undreamed of; it
opened out new realms of sound, inaugurated the beginning of a musical
development destined to rise to mystic heights and be lost in the
clouds of the unattainable. It embodied the Art of the future as
represented by oratorio, opera, after reaching its culmination in
Wagner, having descended into abysmal depths, and the symphony no
longer meeting the demands for regeneration in modern music. Oratorio
was to accomplish this, not in the old exploded wooden form which
pandered to an outworn ecclesiasticism, but in the new world of harmony
introduced by "The Song of Songs." The score had been completed years
ago, and laid aside. It would have been sacrilege to entrust its
rendering to the tender mercies of provincial performers, so there it
lay and rusted, unperformed. It shed beams, unseen but felt, of hope of
a golden future into the grey present. It filled a child's heart with
such ecstasy, devotion, and love, that it would rather have ceased to
beat than be deprived of this source of noble and exquisite dreams on
which it nourished itself daily.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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