Then she became faint-hearted once more. After all, what was there to
boast of in having sung a few songs and danced an outrageous dance
under the influence of champagne? She had only behaved like a
common music-hall diva, and reaped the undesirable plaudits of a
half-inebriated audience! Was that all one had to do to belong to the
elect, the laughter-loving, powerful souls of Dr. Salmoni's literature?
No, oh no! that could not be the key! After such an exhibition he would
feel nothing but scorn or, at best, pity for her.... And if he came
to-day it would be only to tell her what he thought of her. He would
show her how degraded she was, and then benevolently go his way quite
unconcerned.
She wouldn't endure that. She would cling to him, and cry, "You have
promised to lead me to the heights out of this barren miserable
existence. Now keep your word! Don't forsake me. I'll do everything you
wish. I will be your slave, your dog; only don't forsake me."
In feverish expectation she dressed, waved her hair, reddened the lips
that dissipation had paled, and altogether made herself as beautiful as
possible.
Towards twelve there was a ring. Was it he?
No; instead of Dr. Salmoni, Frau Jula had come to call. What did she
want all of a sudden? They had, as if by mutual agreement, avoided each
other since that evening of confidences. And here she was now, without
even going through the formality of being announced! Her air was
cordial, almost affectionate, and she craved a chat.
Lilly hesitated.
"I won't keep you long, my sweet one. I can see you are expecting a
visitor."
"I didn't know that I was," she said, conscious that she blushed.
"Don't deny it, dear.... I know that Dr. Salmoni is coming.... I know,
too, exactly how you feel. I, too, have gone through it, and stood,
getting pale and pink in turns, as I watched for him.... My morning
dress, certainly, was not such a ravishing reseda as yours; it was only
claret colour ... but that is all the same; he doesn't mind us in
claret colour."
"What do you imply by that?" faltered Lilly.
"What do I imply? ... Why, simply this. Our circle for Dr. Salmoni is a
kind of fish-pond of pretty light women, in which he angles from time
to time, till he hooks something that his appetite fancies. At present
he is hooking you, my dearest."
"That is slander!" cried Lilly, flaring up. "He has never made love to
me, nor has such a thing been even mentioned between us."
"Because it isn't necessary," replied Frau Jula; and she laughed
maliciously. "The man does not trouble himself with such trifling
preliminaries. He knows that at the right moment we shall rise to his
bait."
Lilly felt herself getting more and more angry.
"Between him and me nothing has passed but discussions on purely
intellectual subjects, such as a freer, prouder, and higher human
ideal; and if you, and people like you, can't understand such language;
if you are too----"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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