“Fortunately there are no good people here, and if there were I might
still express them freely. It is a thing that strikes me every day. In
feeble specimens it destroys the individuality; in strong characters
like yourself----”
“You do me too much honour, Miss Lance. My position, you are aware, is
doubly unfortunate, for I have all upon my shoulders. Still, one must do
one’s duty at whatever cost.”
“That would be your feeling, of course,” said Miss Lance, with a sort of
admiring and regretful expression. “For my part, I am the most dreadful
rebel. I kick against duty. I think a man has a duty to himself. To
stint a noble human being for the sake of nourishing some half-dozen
secondary ones, is to me---- Oh, don’t let us talk of it! Tell me, dear
Colonel Kingsward, have you got everything satisfactorily settled, and
heard of the arrival----? Oh,” she cried, clasping those white hands,
“how can I sit here calmly and ask, seeing that I have a share in
causing all this trouble--though, heaven knows, how unintentionally on
my part!”
“Don’t say so,” said the Colonel, putting his hands for a second on
those clasped white hands. “I am sure that you can have done nothing but
good to my foolish boy. To be admitted here at all was too much honour.”
“I shall never be able to take an interest in anyone again,” she said,
drooping her head. “It is so strange, so strange to have one’s motives
misunderstood, but you don’t do so. I am so thankful I had the courage
to go to you. My friend dissuaded me strongly from taking such a step.
She said that a parent would naturally blame anyone rather than his own
son----”
“My dear Miss Lance, who could blame you? I don’t know,” said the
Colonel, “that I blame poor Charlie so much either. To be much in your
company might well be dangerous for any man.”
“You must not speak so--indeed, indeed, you must not! I feel more and
more ashamed! When a woman comes to a certain age--and has no children
of her own. Surely, surely----”
“Come!” he cried. “You said a parent’s cares destroyed one’s
individuality----”
“Not with a woman. What individuality has a woman? The only use of her
is to sink that pride in a better--the pride of being of some use. What
I regretted was for you--and such as you--if there are enough of such to
make a class--. Yes, yes,” she added, looking up, “I acknowledge the
inconsistency. I have not sense enough to see the pity of it in all
cases--but my real principle, my deep belief is that to draw a man like
you away from your career, to trouble and distress you about others, who
are not of half your value--is a thing that ought to be prevented by Act
of Parliament,” she cried, breaking off with a laugh. “But you have not
told me yet how everything has finished,” she added, in a confidential
low tone, after a pause.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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