impossible more impossible still, and cut off every retreat. When he
stood in his room, amid all the useless books which he had not opened
for days or weeks, and heard the others mounting the staircase outside
his locked door, it seemed to the unhappy young man as though the floor
under his feet was the last spot on which standing ground was possible,
and that beyond and around there was nothing but chaos. For what reason
and on what impulse he rushed to London it would be difficult to tell.
He had little money, few friends--or rather none who were not also the
friends of his family--no idea or intention of doing anything.
“Perhaps the world will end to-night.”
He did not even think so much as that, though perhaps it was in some
sort the feeling in his mind. Yet no suggestions of suicide, or of
anything that constitutes a moral suicide, occurred to him. These would
have been something definite, they would have provided for a future, but
Charlie was stupefied and had none. He had not so much sense of any
resource as consisted in a pistol or a plunge into the river. He flung
himself into the train and went to London, because after a time the
sound of his comrades, or of those who ought to have been his comrades,
became intolerable to him. They kept pacing, rushing up and down the
staircase, calling to each other. One or two, indeed, talked at his own
closed door, driving him into a silent frenzy. As soon as they were gone
he seized a travelling bag, thrust something, he did not know what, into
it, and fled--to the desert--to London, where he would be lost and no
one would drive him frantic by calling to him, by making believe that
there was something left in life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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