She is selected much as the bride of the Vicar of Wakefield chose her
wedding-gown, only that the one was at least cut to suit, while the
other is not. It is certainly easier, if less fitting, to get a wife as
some people do clothes, not to their own order, but ready made; all the
more reason when the bargain is for one's son, not one's self. So the
Far East, which looks at the thing from a strictly paternal standpoint
and ignores such trifles as personal preferences, takes its boy to the
broker's and fits him out. That the object of such parental care does
not end by murdering his unfortunate spouse or making way with himself
suggests how dead already is that individuality which we deem to be of
the very essence of the thing.
Marriage is thus a species of investment contracted by the existing
family for the sake of the prospective one, the actual participants
being only lay figures in the affair. Sometimes the father decides the
matter himself; sometimes he or the relative who stands in loco parentis
calls for a plebiscit on the subject; for such an extension of the
suffrage has gradually crept even into patriarchal institutions. The
family then assemble, sit in solemn conclave on the question, and
decide it by vote. Of course the interested parties are not asked their
opinion, as it might be prejudiced. The result of the conference must
be highly gratifying. To have one's wife chosen for one by vote of one's
relatives cannot but be satisfactory--to the electors. The outcome of
this ballot, like that of universal suffrage elsewhere, is at the best
unobjectionable mediocrity. Somehow such a result does not seem quite
to fulfil one's ideal of a wife. It is true that the upper classes
of impersonal France practise this method of marital selection, their
conseils de famille furnishing in some sort a parallel. But, as is well
known, matrimony among these same upper classes is largely form devoid
of substance. It begins impressively with a dual ceremony, the civil
contract, which amounts to a contract of civility between the parties,
and a religious rite to render the same perpetual, and there it is too
apt to end.
So much for the immediate influence on the man; the eventual effect on
the race remains to be considered. Now, if the first result be anything,
the second must in the end be everything. For however trifling it be in
the individual instance, it goes on accumulating with each successive
generation, like compound interest. The choosing of a wife by family
suffrage is not simply an exponent of the impersonal state of things, it
is a power toward bringing such a state of things about. A hermit seldom
develops to his full possibilities, and the domestic variety is no
exception to the rule. A man who is linked to some one that toward him
remains a cipher lacks surroundings inciting to psychological growth,
nor is he more favorably circumstanced because all his ancestors have
been similarly circumscribed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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