"Ay, we all on us want that," Sarah said, with a grim smile. "But it’s
only another fancy name for the whole world!"
――――
She sat still for some time after the girl had gone out, as if she were
afraid that she might betray herself before she was actually alone.
Presently, however, she began to rock gently to and fro, still keeping
her hands folded and her eyes closed. The good chair moved easily
without creak or jar, and the good cushions adapted themselves to every
demand of her weary bones. Geordie should buy her a chair like this,
she told herself as she rocked, still maintaining the wonderful fiction
even to herself. She would have cushions, too, of the very best,
covered with silk and cool to a tired cheek. A footstool, also, ample
and well stuffed, and exactly the right height for a pair of aching
feet.
But though one half of her brain continued to dally with these pleasant
fancies, the other was standing amazed before her late stupendous act.
She was half-aghast, half-proud at the ease with which she had suddenly
flung forth her swift, gigantic lie. Never for a moment had she
intended to affirm anything of the kind, never as much as imagined that
she might hint at it even in joke. She had been angry, of course,
bitter and deeply hurt, but there had been no racing thoughts in her
mind eager to frame the princely tale. It had seemed vacant, indeed,
paralysed by rage, unable to do little else but suffer and hate. And
then suddenly the words had been said, had shaped themselves on her lips
and taken flight, as if by an agency with which she had nothing to do.
It was just as if somebody had taken her arm and used it to wave a
banner in the enemy’s face; as if she were merely an instrument on which
an angry hand had suddenly played.
So she was not ashamed, or even really alarmed, because of this inward
conviction that the crime was not her own. Yet the voice had been hers,
and most certainly the succeeding grim satisfaction and ironic joy had
been hers! She allowed herself an occasional chuckle now that she was
really alone, gloating freely over Eliza’s abasement and acute dismay.
For once at least, in the tourney of years, she had come away victor
from the fray. No matter how she was made to pay for it in the end, she
had had the whip-hand of Blindbeck just for once. Indeed, now that it
was done,--and so easily done,--she marvelled that she had never done it
before. At the back of her mind, however, was the vague knowledge that
there is only one possible moment for tremendous happenings such as
these. Perhaps the longing engendered by the Dream in the yard had
suddenly grown strong enough to act of its own accord. Perhaps, as in
the decision about the farm, a sentence lying long in the brain is
spoken at length without the apparent assistance of the brain....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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