Well we went into a restaurant and as soon as Mr Edgerton had ordered
some dinner I says real determined, “We have got to get down to
business now because I will not feel happy unless I give you some real
good ideas to pay for all this money you have spent.” So he says that
the Spokesman likes my ideas about the Reds and how to hold them down,
but He thinks that just now it would be better not to hammer them too
hard because this country has got a lot of machinery and things that it
has got to sell and them Bolshivikis has got a lot of gold and crown
jewels that they want to exchange for ten thousand tractors that is
made by a friend of the Spokesman that helped him a lot to get elected.
“Gee,” I says, “I thought them Roossian fellers had got all them gold
and jewels by stealing them!”
And Mr. Edgerton says that is so and perhaps we hadnt ought to take it
but the trouble is if we dont sell the tractors the tractor factory
will have to shut down and that will leave a lot of good honest
American working people to starve in the middle of the winter. “And so
you see,” says he, “how complicated these here international affairs
is.”
And I says, “My God I hardly know how to think my way around in such
a mix-up. That is almost worse than the problem about getting the
debts paid,” I says, “for I was going to say that to make up with them
Bolshivikis would be like shaking hands with murder.” And Mr. Edgerton
says, “Yes, it was Lord George that said that a few years ago over in
England.” And gee Mom you have sure got to keep Pop from sending me old
ones else I’ll have to stop using his ideas and think them all up for
myself.
Well I done the best I could in a hurry. He said the Spokesman was very
unhappy because of the way the prohibitionists was fussing because the
boot-leggers wasnt stopped the dries didnt like it because the job of
enforcing the law was left to that banker that is in the cabinet--I
never can remember his name but I keep thinking of Cantelope though
that dont sound right. Well anyhow this Mr. Cantelope is the biggest
manufacturer of whiskey in the country and the prohibitionists dont
seem to think that he is the best one to catch the bootleggers and I
says, “Well, you have heard the old saying about setting a thief to
catch a thief.” And Mr. Edgerton thought that was clever but he didnt
think it was just the way the Spokesman would want to defend His friend
the great banker in the cabinet.
And so there it was Mom I couldnt think of nothing else so I have
fell down complete and Mr. Edgerton will think that getting these
new clothes has made me stop being able to feel with the plain
people. So please ask Pop to see if he can think of any reason why
a great whisky-maker should be hired by the government to stop the
whisky-business, and if he can, to write it to me quick. But please
dont let him send nothing that he has read in the papers about it
because Mr. Edgerton is sure to say that is old stuff.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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