'TWAS an incident Matrimonial, the Probate Court the place, And 'twas for the co-respondent, a most remarkable case, For good was the leading counsel, and moral the words spake he, And fashionable ladies listened, to Writ MacFee, Q.C. He rose to his feet and setting his most magniloquent frown, He fingered his brief for a moment, a moment, and laid it down, Then out of his golden snuffbox, he powdered his pampered nose, And then with a pull back rustle of silk, to its wonted pose, He heliographed to the jury, a glitter of eyeful glee, And as he surveyed the respondent, most rep-re-hen-siv-lee, He mounted his golden pinc-nez, and on this wise spake he. "Me Lud, and O gents of the Jury, it's a most remarkable case! And I don't hesitate for a moment, my cause in your hands to place, For O," said the counsellor, purring, with subtle seductive leer, "I never beheld such a jury, in the length of my long career! I assure you it makes it easy for an advocate like to me, To open the most remarkable case _ver._ Tommins, L.R.C.P." Then marking his condemnation, with voice like a double bass D. "The co-respond' is a doctor, John Tommins, L.R.C.P., A leech of the muddiest water, a pill, that has given the sick, An emetic of truth, a plaister of pitch, with a warrant to stick, It's O when consumptive virtue, is treated by such, you see The ruin, like that enacted by Tommins, L.R.C.P. He was called to attend the Lady May Monica Pendigrew, From a fit of the blues he roused her, and prettily pulled her through, But managed her like a pilot, who getting a treacherous grip, Sails out into deeper water, to scuttle and sink the ship! O gents, by æsthetical fraud, he played on the lady's mind, With Shakespeare collar and fur, a sunflower, and such kind, He called her too utterly too, and posed in a limpish style, And droned in a minorly key, of love, like a fretwork file. Me Lud, and O gentlemen, gents, the co-respond' may smile, Your sympathy thus to win, by means of trover of guile, But no! you will give him a check, whereby you will take your place, As the most remarkable twelve, of the most remarkable case!" [Illustration: Jury Box] 'Twas thus, with vigour, and vim, and verve, and casuist glee, The raftered roof re-echoed, the shouts of Writ MacFee, While envious briefless Bees, admired his logic, and gist, Accentuate note, and pause, well marked by his thumping fist, He stood on the councillor's seat, with one of his feet--the left, And the stuffy compression of air, with whirling silk he cleft, And this, was his winding up, "O Father, Brother, and Son, Oh this is a case, concerning each individual one, And confident of your verdict, now into your hands I place, O gentlemen, gents of the Jury, this most remarkable case!"