But whether he's shot, or whether he's drowned, Or darned, the Host did say, Behind the bar, as he pulled a pint, That "the drink was still to pay!" * * * * * She laughed a laugh, when the twain returned, "You're a mighty discerning pair!" And she posed her nose, with a tilted tip, Did the girl, with the auburn hair. They all suggested, a different way, Of finding the missing Mate, "Put out your brains," said the auburn hair, "On a clean, blue pattern plate. "And twig a few of the cobwebs off, From Scooperaboo, look there! We've Brumagem trinkets, of glass, and brass!" Said the girl, of the auburn hair. [Illustration: AN UMBRELLA CASE.] I saw a dress! 'twas of my wife, She stepped along with frivol rife, And by her side, a man of strife A guardsman of the line. Ha ha! So ho! was here a cause, To agitate the Probate laws, For a divorce, I did not pause, With guardsman of the line, I had an umbrella stout, I lifted it, I flung it out, In semicircle, with a shout, At guardsman of the line! Ah! me, for an unlucky wight! Beneath the sick electric light, She turned, O shock unto my sight! She was no wife of mine! He didn't draw, I wasn't slain, But of that blow, he did complain, And made me wipe away the stain, With legal brief, and twine. A Story TOLD BY JONES [Illustration: The Spook of Rotten Row] ONE evening, as in troubled mood, I sampled Rotten Row, Across my scapula, I got A sharp conclusive blow! A flat concussion of a palm, Was quick, and deftly laid, With rude familiar frowardness, Against my shoulder blade! The impact curled up my blood; And almost in a thrice, My heart refrigerated, to An imprompt lump of ice! I feared it was a bailiff, and I sprang from off the sod! "I'm but a ghost!" said he, "you need Not start" said I "thank God! "I must confess, that I eschew A bailiff's companie, "A ghost, is much more welcome, to A person fixed like me." Thus into swift acquaintanship, Familiarly did glide, The spook of Rotten Row, and I, And walking side by side, We chatted in a varied way, And slowly sauntered round, Until we came upon a lone, And sparsy plot of ground,