Night after night he compassed it, nor recked he who was there But by my crop, and grip of trunks, he bumped me down the stair! Thus mortified by evil fate, his widow nightly wept, To hear the periodic row, and scarce a wink she slept; She daily sought to lay his ghost by penance and by prayer, And got a brace of saintly monks, to exorcise the scare With holy water sprinked about, a jot he did not care! But seized me with a fiercer grip, and jocked me down the stair! And mocked the frightened monks, who flew, with fringe of standing hair. At last his widow could not reck his evil conduct there, She moved to otherwhere. The only tenants that remained in Bouncer Hall, were rats, Until 'twas taken down, to build some fashionable flats, And when the workmen moved the stair, I wot he was cut up, To see its broken banisters, upon a cart put up. But vengeance of his hate for me, remained a danger yet, To find a suitable resort, to work it out he set, And tapped the telephone, until he heard of that resort; It is an antient oaken stair, that's here in Hampton Court, 'Twas vacant of a Ghost, I faith, a lobby to be let, And with some Royal Spook, he had a ghostly compact set, And then he brought me here to work, his midnight murder yet. An hour ago, accosting me, says he to me, "Prepare! Be ready! for once more to-night, I'll crock thee down the stair! [Illustration] To-night, a cousin German of the noble house of Teck Will occupy the bedroom, and I'll have to crack thy neck!" In yonder wing, and up the stairs as high as thou canst go, There is the bedroom, with a door, of casement rather low, And if thou stay a night therein, thy sleep might wake for shock, Of scratching on the door, and keyhole cry, to wind your clock, And then the shout of "Caitiff knave!" And if thou'rt bold and dare, To peer out on that lobby then, he crocks me down the stair! And leaves thee shivering in thy shirt, with fright and besomed hair! I've heard the County Council, for the City weal is rife, I'd hold it as a favor, if thou'ds't intimate that life Is perilled on that lobby, and suggest in thy report, That lifts would be more suitable, than stairs in Hampton Court. [Illustration]