Great Britain -- History -- George IV, 1820-1830 -- Fiction; Love stories; Widows -- Fiction
Now he had sealed the vial of her love. And, unless his hand knew the
cunning of it and could break it open again, sealed it must remain till
death. Had he but looked upon her first as now, but spoken as now, how
different she might have made it! But even with his eyes upon her once
more kind, and his voice in her ear once more gentle; with his hand
trembling upon the stone of the bench, but a tiny span from hers; with
the atmosphere of his presence enfolding her, she felt that they were
still drifting apart further and further across the waste of waters.
“What have I said to you to-night?” he asked, and drew his hand across
his brow. “Forgive me, you have always been very good to me. I owe you a
great deal.”
She smiled with a welling bitterness.
“If you speak of owing,” she said, “I owe you the very bread I eat.”
“And never felt it till to-night,” she added in her heart, but could not
speak those words aloud because, in spite of everything, she loved him
with that woman’s love that is kept tender by the mother instinct.—She
could not hurt him who had hurt her so much.
His troubled gaze on her widened and then became abstracted.
“I have become a creature of the night,” said he, almost as if to
himself. “For, by the light of day I cast such shadows as I go, that
nothing, I think, could prosper near me. Always I have paid such toll
for every good that it had been better I had never known it. The old
curse is still upon me. Even for the comfort of your smile, Ellinor, I
have had to pay.”
She drew a breath as if she would speak, but closed her lips proudly
again. She could not plead for his happiness, for now that meant
pleading for herself.
“Let me tell you,” said he once more, “what life has done to me.”
“I am listening,” she replied coldly, after a pause.
“Thank you—you are always patient with me. It is the last time that I
shall ever bring a human being into my confidence, but I think you have
a right to know, Ellinor, why I have been so moved to-day; to know how
it is that events have once more shown me my own unfitness to mix with
my fellow-creatures.”
He paused a second, then went on, resentment once more threatening in
his voice like distant thunder.
“I cannot do with the meanness, the small duplicities, the little
treacheries. Oh, God, duplicity is never small, and to me there is no
little treachery. Ellinor, let but the tiniest rift be sprung in the
crystal, and its note can never ring pure again. Oh, Ellinor, had you
forgotten that?”
He stared at her with a new passion of reproach. But she sat,
marble-still, with downcast lids: a cold white thing in the moonlight.
And that passion of his that might just then have broken into
tenderness, like a wave upon a gentle beach, recoiled upon itself as it
met the barrier of her high hard pride.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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