In business, too, I made quite a splurge In a nobby garment made of ultra-serge; With rings and watchfob and a stickpin, too, I could show all the dandies of the town a few-- So think what a comedown 'twas for me As a second lieut. a-wearing of my plain O. D. But now, however, they have gone so far As to place on my shoulderstrap a neat gold bar, And they've sewn a dido on my overcoat, Which, while it lends distinction, nearly gets my goat; So now, at last, you can plainly see I'm a second lieut. no longer clad in plain O. D.! I'm proud, believe me, of those new gold bars-- I wouldn't swap 'em for the General's stars; And the little stripe upon my blouse's sleeve Means that nevermore for splendor shall my young soul grieve,-- For bars and braid, you can plainly see, Make an awful lot of difference on plain O. D.! ---- THE PASSING OF THE CAMPAIGN HAT. ---- "The campaign hat is going; 'twill soon be _tres passe_-- The winds of war got under it and blew it far away; The General (he who owned it) cussed, as Generals sometimes do: "Get us," he cried, "a hat to stick; with this blank kind I'm through!" His orderly picked up the hat, all battered, torn and frayed, "Quite right," he ruminated, "you won't do for parade; Yet, good old lid, you've got your place--perhaps not over here, But there are regions in the States that hold your memory dear." "The shadow of your ugly shape has blacked the Western plains; It brought relief to border towns all soaked with tropic rains; The sight of you, at column's head, made redskins turn and flee,-- O'er barren land you've led the van that fights for Liberty. The Filipino knows you; his protection you have meant, And the wily Pancho Villa never dared to try and dent The contour of your homely crown or chip your wobbly brim,-- You, old chapeau, spelt business; and that left no room for him! "From far Alaska's ice-bound coast to Porto Rico's strand, You've kept the sun and rain and sleet from Uncle Sam'yal's band; You've stood for no blame nonsense, and you've brooked no talking back, And cleaner towns and cities fair have sprung up in your track. You--what's the use?--you've been there since the days of 'Ninety-Eight-- You've weathered twenty years of squalls--and now you get the gate! But you're too good a soldier, old dip, to cuss or cry; So--(there he heaved it into space)--goodby, old hat; goodby!" ---- OVER THE TOP THREE WAYS. ---- Feet, Tank and Plane Tried by this U. S. Officer--Ready for Next. ----