Humorous stories; Politicians -- United States -- Fiction
"I found Doctor Matthai in his library, immersed in study as usual;
quite out of the world so far as every-day happenings were concerned. He
greeted me rather coldly.
"'I beg your pardon,' said I, 'but I have come to see you about the
house.'
"'My sister, Regina----' he interrupted.
"'Yes, I know,' said I, 'but this visit is to _you_, though I fear you
will look upon what I have to say as very nonsensical and farfetched. To
me, though, it is a very serious matter.'
"I dwelt at length upon the grievance; putting it as strongly as
possible. The doctor listened attentively, and when I concluded, laughed
and said, 'I believe you fully as to the creaking of the stairs, but you
attach entirely too much importance to it. The noise results, I have no
doubt, from perfectly natural causes. You must remember, sir, that the
stairways are very old indeed, any jar from the movement of persons in
other parts of the house, the action of the wind against the walls, or
the rotting or shrinking of wood from age will produce just such sounds
as you have heard. I quite fail, therefore, to see any mystery about
it.'
"'However,' he continued, 'I will send a carpenter around who will
probably set things to rights; that is, if the expense be not too great.
I am not prepared to put a large sum of money on the house; and
stairways, you know, are costly arrangements at best.' I fully agreed
with him.
"'By the way,' said he, blinking at me through his thick glasses, 'there
is just a bit of nervousness in your make-up, isn't there? "A little off
your feed," as Regina says; liver out of shape--something of that sort,
eh?' I confessed that that was just it. I frankly told him that I was
not only a nervous man, but a miserably sick and frightened one to boot.
He did not offer to prescribe for me, and after some moments of silence
I judged that he considered our interview at an end. I arose to go, but
on leaving the room fired a parting shot, which, to my surprise, proved
a telling one.
"'Doctor,' said I, 'before you send the man to make repairs I would like
you to hear the creaking of the stairs for yourself--just as a matter of
curiosity. My wife and sister-in-law are going up to the old home in a
few days. Suppose you come over and spend a night with me while they are
away.'
"The doctor chuckled, 'You are a queer fellow, Mr. Ploat; a queer
fellow, and no mistake. You say you are run down, played out, can't
sleep. Take more exercise, sir; give up late suppers, drink less, stop
smoking. A man leading the sedentary life you do should take more care
of himself. I am older than you are, and a physician. My advice may be
worth something. As to coming over and staying with you, I don't see
that there is anything in that. It seems absurd, quite so; but
nevertheless, I will humor you. Let me know when to come, but on no
account say anything of this to my sister. My absence would greatly
alarm her. I have not been out of this house after dark for over forty
years!'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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