The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His WifeFirebaugh, Ellen M.
General
The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His Wife
Firebaugh, Ellen M.
Physicians -- Anecdotes; Wit and humor
"What has she taken?" asked the doctor of the woman's husband.
"Laudanum."
"How much?"
"She told me she took this bottle full," and he held up a two ounce
bottle.
"I think she's lying," thought the doctor as he laid his fingers upon
her pulse. Then he raised the lids and looked carefully at the pupils of
the eyes. "Not much contraction here," he thought. Turning to the
husband who stood pale and trembling beside him, he said,
"Don't be alarmed--she's in no more danger than you are." He watched the
patient's face as he spoke and saw what he expected--a faint facial
movement.
"To be on the safe side we'll treat the case as if she had taken two
ounces." He gave her a hypodermic emetic then called for warm water.
"How much?" asked the husband.
"O, a half gallon will do."
A big fat woman came panting through the doorway. "I got here as quick
as I could," she gasped.
"We don't need you at all," said the doctor quietly. "Better go back
home to your children, Mrs. Johnson."
Mrs. Johnson, not liking to be cheated out of a sensation which she
dearly loved, stood still. Mr. Lansing came back with the warm water. A
faint slit appeared under the eyelids of the patient. The doctor took
the big cup and said abruptly, "Here! drink this!"
No response. "Mrs. Lansing!" he said so sharply that her eyes opened.
"Drink this water."
"I ca-an't," she murmured feebly.
"Yes, you can."
"I won't," the voice was getting stronger.
"You will."
"You'll see."
"Yes, I'll see."
He held the big vessel to her mouth. When the water began to pour down
her neck she sprang to her feet fighting it off. He held the cup in his
left hand while with his right he reached around her neck and took her
firmly by the nose. Then he held the cup against her mouth and when it
opened for breath he poured the life-saving fluid forcefully down. Great
gulps of it were swallowed while a wide sheet of water poured down her
neck and over her night-dress to the floor.
"That was very well done. Better sit down now."
The husband stood in awed silence. The fat woman shook her fist at the
doctor's back which he beheld, nothing daunted, in the looking-glass on
the wall. The patient herself sat down in absolute quiet. In a minute
she began retching and vomited some of the water. The doctor inspected
it carefully. Then he went to his overcoat on a chair, felt in the
pocket and drew out a coil of something. It looked like red rubber and
was about half an inch in diameter. He slowly unwound it. It was five or
six feet in length. A subdued voice asked,
"What are you going to do now, Doctor?"
"I am going to turn on the hose."
"Wha-a-t?"
"I am going to put this tube down into your stomach. You haven't thrown
up much of that laudanum yet."
She opened her mouth to speak and the doctor inserted one end of the
tube and began ramming it down. "Unfasten a button or two here," he said
to her husband and rammed some more. She gagged and gurgled and tried to
push his hands away.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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