“Well,” said Janet, “if you think it better to put off our conversation
till to-morrow, I make no objection. It will be very uncomfortable--but
there are worse things than discomfort in this world. I have done
without my dinner before now.”
“Yes! often, I shouldn’t wonder--when you had nobody to give you a
dinner,” cried Julia.
Janet looked at the furious girl with a glance of astonishment in her
eyes. She laughed a little.
“You silly child,” she said.
And then in the midst of the agitation and tumult there occurred a
moment of quiet. Julia was at the end of her resources. She was worn out
with her own passion, dismayed by being thus left to the tender mercies
of the governess, and discouraged beyond description by the indifference
and contempt of the stranger whom she had been so certain of subduing--a
little thing not so big as herself, a little governess without a
friend--a subject creature whom it was safe for everybody to jump upon.
Julia’s experience contained no stronger picture of the governess than
that of the one who ran away next morning after complaining to Mrs.
Harwood that she was not accustomed to such young ladies. The others had
all coaxed and cringed and endeavored to temporize.
Julia went and sat down panting at the other table, and watched this new
kind of human being seated in the middle of the room as if nothing had
happened, calmly writing, not a hair turned upon her head, not a bit of
frill crumpled about her neck. It was natural to Janet to be neat, and
her self-control was wonderful. Besides, of course she knew that she was
being looked at, watched with all the keen observation of a vindictive
child to see where her weakness lay. That she had supported this
struggle so long without moments of weakness it would be vain to
say--that she had not felt the stings and resented the blows. Her heart
had beat as if it was bursting from her breast. She had felt herself
trembling all over with excitement and alarm. But she had managed
somehow to keep calm all along, and she was still calm now, keeping in
her breath, holding herself with all her might to look indifferent.
Julia’s observation was keen, but not so keen as to pierce Janet’s
armour of mail. The girl sat staring at her with eyes that became less
and less like orbs of flame, and more like ordinary big gray eyes with a
golden glow. And Janet wrote a letter. It was the only thing she could
think of to give her the support of an occupation. She wrote a narrative
of what had passed, writing “Dear Mrs. Bland” at the top to give herself
a countenance, though the last thing in the world she would have done
was to send the vicar’s wife such a description of her first day in her
new situation. She smiled, however, to herself involuntarily as she went
on with her story, making it very amusing. And Julia saw her smile, and
something like awe came over the exhausted spirit of the little rebel.
To go through all that, one tithe of which would have broken the spirit
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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