On our first arrival in Leipzig my father sought literary employment
from the great publishers of that city of books, and soon obtained all
the “review” and “hack” writing that he wished. He encouraged me to
help him in the work, and in my training probably lay his chief
inducement, for he was paid at starvation rates in that land of hungry
authors. The labor quickly taught me the technical part of authorship,
the rock which has wrecked so many hopes. Our work brought us, too, the
acquaintance of many literary men, and thus gave us our pleasantest
society, and one peculiarly fitted to develop me. Furthermore, we
secured command of the unlimited books stored on the publishers’
shelves, which we used as freely as if they were our own private
library.
Very quickly I began to do more than help my father in his work; I
myself tried to write. He put many a manuscript in the fire, after
going over the faults with me, but finally I wrote something that he
let me send to an editor. His admirable judgment must have been warped
by his fatherly love, for the article was rejected. A like fate befell
many others, but at last one was accepted, and I do not know which of
us was the more delighted when it was published in the “Zeitschrift für
Deutsche Philologie.” By my father’s advice it was signed with a
pseudonym; for he pointed out that I was still too young for editors
who knew me to give my manuscript a reading, and that a German name
would command greater respect from them than an English one.
I received twenty marks for that first article, and spent it in secret
the next day. Had you known of my pleasure in the gift, and the hopes
that went with it, I think you would have sent a line of acknowledgment
to the hungry-hearted fellow who, after four years of separation, still
longed for a token from you. Three times had I written, without
response, but I thought the beauty of the photograph would so appeal to
you that it must bring me back a word from you, and lived in the hope
for six months. My father joked me genially about what I had done with
that vast wealth, pretending at moments that he believed it had been
avariciously hoarded, and at other times that it had been squandered in
riotous living, till one day, when all hope of acknowledgment had died,
his chaff wrung from me an exclamation of pain, suppressed too late to
be concealed from him. So closely attuned had we become that he
understood in an instant what it meant, and, laying his hand on my
shoulder, he appealed, “Forgive me, my boy! I have been very cruel in
my thoughtlessness!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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