You were too used to compliments to be embarrassed when the lines were
repeated, and only looked at me in a puzzled way. I do not wonder you
were surprised at the implied admiration of the two speeches, after my
apparent coldness and indifference. My behavior must seem to you as
full of contradictions as your beauty is to me. To say your great
attraction is the radiance—the verve, spirit, and capacity for
enthusiasm—of which one cannot fail to be conscious is to deny the calm
dignity with which you bear yourself, yet both these qualities belong
to you. The world insists that you are proud and distant, and your face
has the clean-cut features which we associate with patrician blood,
while your height and figure, and the set and carriage of your head
upon that slender throat, suggest a goddess. But I, who understand you
so much better than the world, know that your proud face overlies the
tenderest of natures, and is not an index, but a mask of feelings you
do not care to show. As for the people who criticise you most, they
would be the last to do so if they were not conscious of the very
superiority they try to lessen.—Ah, how foolish it is to write all
this, as if I needed to convince myself of what I know so well! And
even if this were for the eye of others, to those who know you not it
would be but the extravagant idealism for which a lover is proverbial.
When I awoke from the sleep my dreaming had drifted into, my first
request of my father was to find your whereabouts. He told me that a
dragoman had come that morning to inquire for me,—and had left what now
he showed me,—a great bunch of roses and a basket of fruit, with the
card of “Mr. Foster G. Blodgett, 547 Fifth Avenue,” on the back of
which was written:—
“With sincere regrets that a previously formed plan of leaving Tangier
this morning prevents our seeing our courteous instructor of last
night, and with hopes that he may have a quick and easy recovery from
his accident.”
The card was a man’s, but the handwriting was feminine, and the moment
my father turned his back I kissed it. I was further told that the
servant had asked my name and taken it down, giving me the instant hope
that when you knew to whom you had been so merciful, you would even
disarrange your plans to let me have a moment’s glimpse of you. But
though I listened all the afternoon hopefully and expectantly, you
never came. I felt such shyness about you, I did not speak to my father
of your beauty, and he did not question me at all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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