I thought he was about to drop dead before me. His face changed, until
it was hardly human, as I went on, on, on, piling up the exact facts,
tracking his falsehood, as one tracks a wild beast, and proving to him
that his brother had defended himself after his fashion, even as he had
done. He clasped his hands about his head, when I ceased to speak, as
though to compress the maddening thoughts which rushed upon him; then,
once more looking me in the face, but this time with infinite despair in
his eyes, he uttered exactly the same sentence as his brother had
spoken, but with quite another expression and tone:
"This hour too was bound to come. What do you want from me now?"
"That you should do justice on yourself," I answered. "You have
twenty-four hours before you. If, to-morrow at this hour, you are still
living, I place the letters in my mother's hands."
Every sort of feeling was depicted upon his livid face while I placed
this ultimatum before him, in a firm voice which admitted of no farther
discussion. I was standing up, and I leaned against the large table; he
came towards me, with a sort of delirium in his eyes as they strove to
meet mine.
"No," he cried, "no, André, not yet! Pity me, André, pity me! See now,
I am a condemned man, I have not six months to live. Your revenge! Ah!
you had no need to undertake it. What! If I have done a terrible deed,
do you think I have not been punished for it? Look at me, only look at
me; I am dying of this frightful secret. It is all over; my days are
numbered. The few that remain, leave, oh leave them to me! Understand
this, I am not afraid to die; but to kill myself, to go away, leaving
this grief to her whom you love as I do! It is true that, to win her, I
have done an atrocious deed; but say, answer, has there ever been an
hour, a minute since, in which her happiness was not my only aim? And
you would have me leave her thus, inflict upon her the torment of
thinking that while I might have grown old by her side, I preferred to
go away, to forsake her before the time? No, André, this last year,
leave it to me! Ah, leave it to me, leave it to us, for I assure you
that I am hopelessly ill, that I know it, that the doctors have not
hidden it from me. In a few months--fix a date--if the disease has not
carried me off, you can come back. But I shall be dead. She will weep
for me, without the horror of that idea that I have forestalled my hour,
she who is so pious! You only will be there to console her, to love her.
Have pity upon her, if not upon me. See, I have no more pride towards
you, I entreat you in her name, in the name of her dear heart, for well
you know its tenderness. You love her, I know that; I have guessed truly
that you hid your suspicions to spare her pain. I tell you once again,
my life is a hell, and I would joyfully give it to you in expiation of
what I have done; but she, André, she, your mother, who has never,
never cherished a thought that was not pure and noble, no, do not
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