her of a real pleasure, and for that he should be unable to forgive
himself. If she did not yield? So, my poor father had preferred to toss
about in that Gehenna of weakness and indecision wherein dwell timid and
taciturn souls. All this misery he revealed to my aunt, dwelling upon
the morbid nature of his feelings, imploring advice and pity, deriding
and blaming the puerility of his jealousy, but jealous all the same,
unable to refrain from recurring again and again to the open wound in
his heart, and incapable of the energy and decision that would have
cured it.
The letters became more and more gloomy, as it always happens when one
has not at once put an end to a false position; my father suffered from
the consequences of his weakness, and allowed them to develop without
taking action, because he could not now have checked them without
painful scenes. After having tolerated the increased frequency of his
friend's visits, it was torture to him to observe that his wife was
sensibly influenced by this encroaching intimacy. He perceived that she
took Termonde's advice on all the little matters of daily life--upon a
question of dress, the purchase of a present, the choice of a book. He
came upon the traces of the man in the change of my mother's tastes, in
music for instance. When we were alone in the evenings, he liked her to
go to the piano and play to him, for hours together, at haphazard; now'
she would play nothing but pieces selected by Termonde, who had acquired
an extensive knowledge of the German masters during his residence
abroad. My father, on the contrary, having been brought up in the
country with his sister, who was herself taught by a provincial
music-master, retained his old-fashioned taste for Italian music.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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