"Would you like to see him?" asked my mother, almost timidly, and as I
hesitated she added, under the impression that I was afraid of fatiguing
him, whereas I was much surprised by the proposal, "he asked to see you
himself; he wants to hear the news from you about yesterday's ballot at
the club." Was this the real motive of a desire to see me, which I could
not but regard as singular, or did he want to prove that our interview
had left him wholly unmoved? Was I to interpret the message which he had
sent me by my mother as an additional sign of the extreme importance
that he attached to the details of "society" life, or was he,
apprehending my suspicions, forestalling them? Or, yet again, was he,
too, tortured by the desire to know, by the urgent need of satisfying
his curiosity by the sight of my face, whereon he might decipher my
thoughts?
I entered the room--it was the same that had been mine when I was a
child, but I had not been inside its door for years--in a state of mind
similar to that in which I had gone to my former interview with him. I
had, however, no hope now that M. Termonde would be brought to his knees
by my direct allusion to the hideous crime of which I imagined him to be
guilty. My stepfather occupied the room as a sleeping-apartment when he
was ill, ordinarily he only dressed there. The walls, hung with dark
green damask, ill-lighted by one lamp, with a pink shade, placed upon a
pedestal at some distance from the bed, to avoid fatigue to the sick
man's eyes, had for their only ornament a likeness of my mother by
Bonnat, one of his first female portraits. The picture was hung between
the two windows, facing the bed, so that M. Termonde, when he slept in
that room, might turn his last look at night and his first look in the
morning upon the face whose long-descended beauty the painter had very
finely rendered. No less finely had he conveyed the something
half-theatrical which characterised that face, the slightly affected set
of the mouth, the far-off look in the eyes, the elaborate arrangement of
the hair. First, I looked at this portrait; it confronted me on entering
the room; then my glance fell on my stepfather in the bed. His head,
with its white hair, and his thin yellow face were supported by the
large pillows, round his neck was tied a handkerchief of pale blue silk
which I recognised, for I had seen it on my mother's neck, and I also
recognised the red woollen coverlet that she had knitted for him; it was
exactly the same as one she had made for me; a pretty bit of woman's
work on which I had seen her occupied for hours, ornamented with ribbons
and lined with silk. Ever and always the smallest details were destined
to renew that impression of a shared interest in my mother's life from
which I suffered so much, and more cruelly than ever now, by reason of
my suspicion. I felt that my looks must betray the tumult of such
feelings, and, while I seated myself by the side of the bed, and asked
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