And, in that case, what the devil was she, Louie Causton, doing in
this gallery at all, with nothing of Jim but silence and absence, and
nothing but peevishness and petty tyranny from Kitty? Roy, it might
be, was still ready to marry her; Buck never ceased to importune,
sulk and implore; Jimmy, one way or another, would be to provide for;
and she knew now how little she could do for him alone. Even her
desire to "show" Richenda Earle had now passed. She wanted,
desperately wanted, all the things she persisted in rejecting. Why was
she becoming morose, disillusioned, devil-may-care? It was a familiar
question now, but as she undressed that night she asked herself again
what it all meant.
She answered herself that there was no mystery about it. She supposed
it happened to every woman. It meant, of course, the passing of her
youth.
But, her head on her pillow, she had her compensating hour. No need to
re-describe its kind; there was now added again that forced and
desperate illusion, of the unity of herself, her boy, and the man she
would have had his father. She knew she merely abused her fancy and
must suffer for it afterwards, but no matter; if it was a drug it was
a sweet one, and that it might stay with her a little longer she chose
uncomfortable positions that would keep her awake. She could hear
Jimmy's breathing across the dark room. Jim, Jimmy and herself----
It was against her own will that, at two o'clock in the morning, she
slept.
IV
It was his voice over the telephone of the Models' Club that broke the
long silence. Ten chances to one but the bell had rung in an empty
room, for, save for a woman who was washing the hall floor, Louie was
alone in the place. She unhooked the receiver. "Hallo!" she
called.... "Yes, this is the Models' Club.... This is Miss
Causton...."
At last!
He did not say why he wanted to see her; he only said that he wanted
to do so at once. His minimised voice, with its suggestion of
distance, seemed to her curiously symbolic of their whole relation. A
telephone was supposed to bring voices near, but far more than that
the smallness and the distance struck her.
"No, I'm afraid not," she continued to speak into the instrument, "but
I can give you dinner here. You know the address?... Yes, at seven....
All right...."
Seek him? No, she certainly would not seek him. He must come to her.
She could give him tea and chops. As she hung up the receiver again
she glanced at the clock over the little service counter. Eleven.
Eight hours.... She had waited for months, now she must wait another
eight hours. She could have faced the months again with more
composure.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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