Not until ten minutes later, when she had gone up to her own room
again, did Louie begin to wonder what had impelled her to make her
surprising declaration. But in an instant her ten-years'-old habit of
thought asserted itself again. Why have made it? Rather, why not have
made it? She would have made it sooner had occasion offered. Elwell
and the Burnetts did not drag their fathers in; she had not dragged
her father in either. She had not told them that her mother was Lord
Moone's sister--it was known, but she had not told them; why should
she have paraded the fact that her father was this redoubtable Buck,
from whose beezer the claret had flowed as he had advanced for the
twenty-eighth round? They could have known it any time they had
wanted! Conceal it? Why, had she not all her life been glorying in
that very pride of the cobbler's dog?
And still, deep down in her, she wondered whether it had been even
that sort of pride, and not rather that secret hunger of the heart
that, while she was "in at" everything, she was also "out of"
everything. Had it been that that had caused her to say quietly:
"That's my father"?
Or perhaps it was even something deeper still. Perhaps, in a word, it
had been her blind groping towards that crude and strong and cruel and
joyous life Richenda Earle had said she knew nothing about.
She wondered whether the girls downstairs were talking about her now.
Her eyes fell on the black-framed miniature of the fourth Lord Moone.
Then, as if her brain had received a number of disordered impressions
all heaped one on the top of the other, she sat down on the edge of
her bed, not so much to think as to remember again exactly what had
happened.
Gradually the disorder cleared. Phrases and the tones in which they
had been uttered began to stand forth more distinctly. Presently she
was able to allocate each to its speaker. It was her first attempt to
estimate differences in the future her declaration might have made.
Burnett Minor, of course, she could dismiss summarily. To her it had
been a high lark, that but endeared Louie to her the more. But Burnett
Major? What about her? "_Genista!_" she had exclaimed, shocked at her
young sister's apparent belief in the socially impossible. Yes, it
would be interesting to see what difference, if any, was to be seen in
Burnett Major's attitude now. And Elwell's "_Oh!_" What about that?
And Macfarlane's blank look? And what did Richenda Earle think?
Louie did not know yet.
And what about Mrs. Lovenant-Smith? Undoubtedly Mrs. Lovenant-Smith,
knowing about it herself, would have preferred Louie to keep silence.
The thought of Mrs. Lovenant-Smith, however, always braced Louie. That
curious pleased coldness came into her eyes again. She would see about
Mrs. Lovenant-Smith by-and-by. In the meantime, the last thing she
intended to do was to absent herself from them all. She would go down
to supper.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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