It was not very likely, but she said: "Very likely. You were saying,
about the men who aren't duffers----"
Again he got her focus. "Was I? Well, there aren't so many of them
that we need bother about them. So you are coming back?"
Louie found him extraordinary, unclassifiable. She could not say that
his answers were not ready; they were instant to the point; but
somehow they weren't answers. Of course, they _were_ answers if you
liked, but they seemed in some way to be private communings as well.
She wondered whether he was in the habit of talking much to himself;
he spoke rather as if he was--as if, his consciousness of her presence
notwithstanding, he considered himself to be as good as alone now.
Louie had heard the expression "second self"--well, this, "second
self" or not, was certainly a curious accord. And then he allowed that
deliberate, altogether discordant smile (that might just as well have
been hooked round his ears like a false beard) to come between, and
asked her if she was coming back after Christmas!
Then--this came suddenly--she knew for a certainty what hitherto had
hung in doubt--that she would not be coming back after Christmas. She
must sit down. Of course, it was to have been expected. She had been
unwise to dance.
She spoke faintly. "Please take me to a seat."
Quite automatically he did so. He led her to the =E= of
reference-books. The waltz closed. So did Louie's eyes.
"Please leave me alone for a few minutes," she murmured.
He bowed, and retired as automatically as he had come.
In a few minutes she felt better, but she still sat in the little
book-lined recess. Her eyes remained closed, but not now altogether
from faintness. She heard Mr. Mackie's voice, apparently a long way
off, shouting, "Come on--let's get the ice broken!" and partners were
being chosen for the Shop-Girl Lancers. More minutes passed. Louie,
her eyes still closed, had begun once more to think of that secret she
had surprised within herself.
She doubted herself profoundly now. For all she now knew her nature
might contain other such secrets as this that had sent the warm blood
into her cheeks at a touch--nay, at the thought of a touch. She might
have, so to speak, a basic, unsuspected layer of them, needing only to
be stirred to provide surprise after surprise. Those surprises might
make all she had hitherto known--all--seem stupid and flat and
commonplace. If so, why must the discovery come now? Secrets from
herself--now? Impossible!
But, as if limned on her closed lids, she saw the two hands again, her
own like a lanceolate leaf, lying within that great masculine engine
of his.
And all at once she felt unutterably lonely.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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