LADY FLO: Oh! Kitty! Kitty! Is this the way to make friends? JEM: Come, Uncle Will! Let us go into the smoking-room! I shall choke here! (_Exit._) SIR W.: There's but little hope for them! Little hope! Little hope! (_Exit, shaking his head._) KITTY: Now, perhaps, you believe that I have something to put up with? LADY FLO (_soothingly_): And yet there's no doubt Jem is extremely fond of you. KITTY: He has a strange way of showing it! The other morning, after we had had one of our little scenes, I went down to the stream to find him when he was fishing. I would even have been willing to try and bait (_shudders_) his hook. But as I was starting off I met him coming up the garden, and he stared at me like an avenging god (or demon, I should say), and asked if I wasn't on my way to matins? Naturally, I did not contradict him. LADY FLO: Dearest! You distress me! KITTY: There's another thing I can't endure! You know I took the pledge, so as to be a good example to the village people here. Well! Jem is furious every time I refuse wine at luncheon or dinner. He declares that I _pose_! Can you imagine such nonsense? LADY FLO: Well, dear! I confess I sympathize with Jem. I don't think any really nice women ever take the pledge--do they? I only ask, you know. KITTY: Why, yes! Of course they do, aunty--when they want to be good examples. Jem cannot understand this; and, far from taking the pledge himself, he revolts me day after day by drinking--(_whispers mysteriously_)--Bass's pale ale! LADY FLO: Ah! That's bad! But, oh! my dear, if you only knew the proper way to manage a husband! KITTY: How could I? For Jem is as unmanageable as the Great Mogul. LADY FLO: I see you don't realize how the most violent men are those most easy to subdue. Now, there's your uncle---- KITTY: I always thought him as mild as Moses! LADY FLO: So he is _now_! But there _was_ a time---- KITTY: Oh! Do tell me all about it! LADY FLO: Well. There _was_ a time when your uncle imagined he might be allowed to complain if dinner were late. One day he actually dared to ask, in a voice of thunder, "Is dinner ready?" KITTY: Jem dares that every day. LADY FLO: It happened to be the cook's fault. KITTY: Ah! That would make no difference to Jem. LADY FLO (_impatient_): I wish, darling, you would allow me to speak! KITTY: Oh! I beg pardon. LADY FLO (_continuing, blandly_): Not at all! Now, I replied: "The salmon has just fallen into the fire, and cook has had to send for another!" KITTY: That was true? LADY FLO: Not in the least! I had ordered red mullet. And Will ate his fish without noticing the difference. KITTY: Jem would not have made that mistake. LADY FLO: Oh, yes, he would, if you had just glanced at him in the right manner. KITTY (_eagerly_): Show me how to do it! LADY FLO (_drily_): It requires the inspiration of the moment. Ah! could you but see me with Will! KITTY: It is certain you are very happy together.