Even the wisest often fail to realize that one cannot escape one’s
shadow. Albert Zorn imagined that ennui was in Berlin but it was only in
his own soul.
He found Goettingen as depressing as before. The college town was
covered with snow, the students seemed grim and serious, the professors
cold, and he found but few of his old friends. He arrived here as a
prodigal son, misgivings in his heart. He recalled the _Abschiedskarten_
he had sent to the members of the faculty a few years before, after his
suspension. He now realized that the mockery, witty as it might have
been, that those _Abschiedskarten_ contained had not endeared him to his
old instructors. And the students seemed so sulky. Prussian tyranny had
conquered and killed every manifestation of free speech. The
_Burschenschaft_ and the _Turngemeinde_—the two most significant
fraternities—were but names. The students not only feared their own
utterances but even the unguarded speech of their friends. And they had
not forgotten Albert’s unguarded tongue.
But while the dullness of the place depressed him he welcomed the quiet
of his lodging house on the Rothenstrasse. He gave himself to the study
of the law, and “corpus juris” was his “pillow”. He had no difficulty in
hushing the muse’s voice, for the muse sang not. For a time he passed a
prosaic existence, and while he frequently shuddered at the thought he
again wondered if his light had not burned out. His verses scarcely
stirred in him more than memories. And when he made attempts at writing
he was conscious of the effort, of the lack of spontaneity, and dropped
it. Was he a Samson with his locks shorn? He stirred and often went to
the Rathskeller to drown his sorrow, but unable to bear drink he turned
to the library.
Soon March drew to an end, the winter was gone, the thawing season
began. Everything within him was thawing, too. His blood suddenly began
to course warmer; there was agitation in his breast; his nerves seemed
on fire. A chance acquaintanceship had inspired him to write a few lyric
stanzas. He laughed like a mocking satan. Indeed his light had not yet
burned out! It had just commenced to burn and would soon redden the sky
with its rising flames. Let his enemies in Berlin and Hamburg sneer!
What did he care? He had nothing but contempt for the multitude anyhow.
They should see! He flung the law books aside and took up an unfinished
poem. Byron’s recent death stimulated his energies. Byron was the only
man to whom he felt a close kinship, and the poet’s death affected him
deeply. He must take Byron’s place; he would be Germany’s Byron.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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