One day he woke with a sudden determination. He must not hesitate any
longer. He could hope for no assistance from his parents—his mother’s
letter a few days before had made that plain enough—and he could not
bear the humiliation of further dependence upon his uncle. He was
irritable that morning but that was because of his ceaseless work the
past few months. He was nervous from too much thinking. No, he must not
let this thing trouble him any longer. He laughed grimly to himself. He
would change his religion—change non-belief in one for non-belief in
another! He laughed but not without bitterness. The next moment the
humor of it awakened curiosity. He was to be baptised! He had already
talked to a clergyman about his conversion, and noticed with amusement
the glow on the good clergyman’s face—the glow on the face of an angler
at sensing a nibble. Albert thought of this and laughed to himself. The
clergyman suggested a new name for the newly born child—John Baptist
Zorn! Albert stood before the open window in his room, looking dreamily
in front of him——
It was morning, the sun was shining gloriously upon the Wender Tower,
serious-faced students on their way to lectures, a woman with an armful
of provisions for breakfast, two flaxen-haired children playing horse,
and he was going to have his name changed that day! There was a flutter
in his heart and he laughed nervously. The comedy of life struck him
forcibly—all life was but a jest of the gods, and he himself was one of
the jesters! “John Baptist Zorn!” he murmured to himself, and laughed
hysterically. Tears appeared in his eyes. Oh, God, what a comedy life
was!
He started to carry out his resolution but suddenly paused. He blushed
in the privacy of his room. No, he would not go through this farce. No,
no, he could not be false to himself. He did not care for the opinion of
others—why should he care for the opinion of the imbeciles to whom not
religion but theology mattered, to whom religion was not the
consciousness of the glory of the universe and its Creator, but mere
heathen ceremonies?—Indeed, it was not the opinion of the masses but he
feared his inner self. No, he would not go through with this
contemptible farce.
He sat down on his bed, a throbbing at his temples. He was fatigued, a
pain in his head, weary of life. He heaved a sigh. His eyes rested on
his clothes. They were shabby. His uncle’s stipend had not been
sufficient to afford him new clothes and allow him the elegance to which
he had been accustomed. Besides, he was so impractical and never did
know how his money slipped from between his fingers. In a month the
degree of Doctor of Laws was to be conferred upon him. To what purpose?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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