‘Isabel,’ he said at last, in a dull, tired voice--‘Isabel, you must
forgive me if you can. I have been a beast. I must have been off my
head. I feel as if I had been drunk, and was only just beginning to
come to. Whatever rot I talked you must try and forget it, Isabel. I
can’t make out what the devil can have come over me!’
The woman gave him an angry, challenging glance. ‘No,’ she said, ‘I
won’t forget it. You spoke the truth. Why are you beginning to tell the
old weary lies again? Surely we have got beyond that.’
Her words, her defiant tone, caught his attention.
‘You didn’t understand,’ he said. ‘I was a brute; there’s no more to
be said. Don’t try to say any more. Of course you can’t understand. My
God, what a damned muddle I have made of things!’
‘But of course I do understand, Kingston. Nothing can undo what you
have said. It didn’t need saying, and no amount of denials can ever
make it untrue.’
Kingston looked at her anxiously.
‘Isabel,’ he said in a broken voice. ‘Do you realize what you are
saying? I was fool enough to tell you----’
‘What we both knew before in our heart of hearts,’ she interrupted
passionately. ‘And now we know each other. Oh yes, I understand you.
All of a sudden you have been overcome by some absurd qualm--some whim
or other. You think we are to be separated by some ridiculous fad.’
Amazement held him. This time he fixed his eyes on her and spoke
slowly, laboriously, as one speaks English to someone who can only
understand a foreign language.
‘A fad!’ he repeated. ‘Hang it all, Isabel, is honour a fad, and
decency, and all the rest of it? One does what one can. Is it only a
whim?’
‘Yes,’ she answered violently. ‘It is only a whim. These artificial
scrupulosities of yours, they are just middle-class superstitions. You
belong to me, and I belong to you. We know that is true. Very well,
then; why should we deny in deed what we know to be true in fact. Oh, I
have no patience with such whims. Nothing can separate us; why should
we pretend to be separated by the fact that you have got what you call
a wife? I am your wife. You have no other. You can’t have another.
Your only duty is to me--to me and to yourself. All the rest is mere
romantic sentimental nonsense.’
His fastidiousness swung him back into a reaction of almost physical
repulsion as he contemplated her. The impossibility of making her
understand any honourable point of view was dreadful. He loathed her
with all his heart as she sat there trying to enforce her claim. And
yet he could not deny her claim, and, despite his shuddering disgust,
he loved her as much as ever, reluctantly, angrily, but with all the
secret unreasoned impulses of the bondage that held him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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