‘Isabel--Isabel!’ he repeated. But the flame of his utterance had died
down into a grey dreariness.
Isabel saw that her moment was passing. A horrible anxiety possessed
her. ‘What is it?’ she cried. ‘Kingston, what is it? What has come
between us?’
He pointed to the brooch. ‘Gundred,’ he answered--‘Gundred. We had
forgotten.’ He was suffering so acutely in the death of passion that
he could hardly make his words intelligible. The wrench was agonizing.
Passion was not dead, but his heart knew that it must die--that he
himself must be its executioner--must cast out the guest that was the
dearest part of himself--cast it out and cut the throat of it. He
desired still with all his soul, but knew that his desire must rest
for ever unfulfilled. He belonged to Gundred. He must face his own
responsibilities.
Isabel could not hear what he said. But she shivered in the cold that
had fallen upon them. Without words she understood what it was that had
cut down the flower of his rapture in a moment, what drawn sword it was
that had suddenly thrust itself between them. She stood withered and
stricken with the shock, grown suddenly pale and old.
Kingston was fighting down his pain, struggling with it, and gradually
bringing it into bounds. He was too clear-sighted to give himself any
hope. Had he been sprung of a more lawless stock, of men accustomed
to love where they chose, without consideration of morality, he might
have taken his pleasure as it came, and never given a thought to
self-reproach or duty. But as it was, bygone generations stirred again
in him, of men who had lived cleanly, decently, according to their
lights, avoiding the wild urgencies of passion. Law, custom, convention
had ingrained into them a respect for rule and restraint, and now their
latest descendant reaped in his own person the cruel reward of all
their virtues. To go further in the ghastly labyrinth was impossible.
Joy was unattainable. Only duty could be pursued. And for shirking that
there could be no excuse.
Without a word he turned and walked away from that ill-omened motto
on the hill-top. Vaguely, with hands thrust down into his pockets,
he wandered on, crushing down the misery, the angry clamours of his
nature, and steeling himself violently to the preservation of what
remained possible to him of decency. For the sake of Gundred, of
himself, of Isabel--for the sake of his love and hers, he must at least
live as clean as might be. The struggle was a martyrdom, though, the
shock of self-mutilation a grinding, lancinating anguish.
Isabel stood for a moment, then followed him across the flat ground.
She soon caught him up, and they advanced together in silence through
the driving mists. Suddenly, vague and ghostly, the old cairn rose
before them again, looming mountainous. When he had reached the stones
at its foot, Kingston threw himself down upon its steps with a heavy
gesture of lassitude. And still the silence ruled.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account