This love of his for Isabel, this love which came from outside, which
had nothing to do with moral or æsthetic approval--it should be a
thing altogether high and holy. To keep it clear of contamination, to
sanctify it by restricting it to the loftiest regions of life--this
was the task that lay before him. The task might be difficult. Isabel
might try to increase the difficulty of it. But he would gather
strength from the very difficulty of his position, the very intensity
of his passion, which, by the sheer weight of it, must lay so great a
responsibility upon him as his soul must needs rise to bear. For the
heavier the weight, the easier it is to endure; the soul braces itself
sternly, deliberately, to the labour, and carries off the burden of a
crushing load more triumphantly than the straws which daily life and
little desires impose--the straws which seem of no account, and for
which, therefore, the soul makes no preparation, stiffens no muscles to
sustain. Against a lapse Kingston felt himself defended as much by the
solemn ecstasy with which he had come to accept the fact of his passion
as by his sense of the redoubled duty which it made him owe to the
other life that he had innocently involved.
Tragic affection possessed him as he thought of Gundred;--Gundred,
giving her all--that all which now appeared so little; Gundred, whose
greatest gift had now become inadequate, yet must never be slighted
or discarded. In a moment he saw the vast distance that now separated
him from his wife. Had they ever, in reality, been close together?
Now, without conscious treachery on either hand, time had removed
them very far away from each other. He understood what impulse it was
that had lately been making him try to pull her back into his life,
and realized how completely she had passed out of it. There was no
fault in her--at least, no other fault than a limitation of nature.
How he himself could have escaped the penalty of his own character he
could not see. The crisis of remorse was passing. He had committed no
deliberate sin against his wife. What had come about had come about
through no volition of his. If he loved Isabel that love was something
outside himself--something that he could not kill, though he might
duly cage it and control it. To cage it and control it accordingly
was all that remained for him to do. Infidelity, treachery, adultery
of the flesh would be an unpardonable treason to his love and his
loyalty; the adultery of the heart is a thing instinctive, inevitable,
committed sooner or later by many blameless men and women. This, the
most important of human treasons, stands for ever beyond the reach of
human restraint. No judge can analyze it, no jury weigh it; it can be
valued by no damages, absolved by no divorce. The marriage of heart
with heart is a matter outside the reach of law; the world and its laws
are only concerned with external and visible manifestations. Let the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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