After all, though, would the Almighty have allowed her to entertain
such passions if He had not meant her to indulge them? Yet even the
greatest saints had been tempted by the devil. Indeed, the greater the
saint the greater the temptation. The problem was nice, and required
careful weighing. In any other case she would readily have conceded
that such a passion might have been inspired without the connivance
of the Almighty; in her own she was so perfectly, though so humbly,
convinced that she lived and spoke as the mouthpiece of Heaven itself
that she could hardly conceive it possible but that any feeling she
nourished must, of necessity, be just and holy, through the very
fact that it was she, the Lady Gundred Darnley, who had engendered
and developed it. However, a pious doubt now besieged her, and she
dutifully cast about in her mind for means to solve this riddle that
her scrupulous sense of right had set before her. Until this was
decided, she felt that it would be unfair to proceed to extremities
even against Ivor Restormel. But how to decide it?
Prayer, Gundred felt, was the only obvious method. The Almighty must
be asked to declare as to the sanctity of the crusade that she was
meditating. Gundred, filled with the consciousness of holiness, would,
nevertheless, go to Heaven to have that consciousness confirmed. In all
ways she was clean and blameless, worthy of the celestial attention.
She looked doubtfully for a moment at the little fair curls that lay
on her dressing-table. But after all, they could not really be called
a fraud on the Almighty, for were they not built up out of her own
hoarded combings? And, for the rest, there was no other spot of deceit
or frailty anywhere in her. So she knelt in confidence, and prayed.
If her hatred for Ivor Restormel were wicked, would God give a sign
by causing it to die immediately? On the other hand, if it continued
to thrive in her heart, she would take its persistence as a sign that
it was very pleasing in the sight of Heaven, and might be pursued to
its ultimate extremities. She laboured the point once more, so that
Heaven could not possibly fail to grasp it. If to-morrow she still
hated Ivor Restormel, she would understand that her hatred was pious
and profitable; if she should awake feeling filled with love and pity
for him, then she must believe that her previous inspiration had been a
temptation of the Evil One. Filled with a sense of imminent revelation,
Gundred went to bed, and could hardly sleep for anxiety as to the
morrow, and the sentiments that the morrow would show forth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account