Very gently Gundred drew herself away. Her heart was afire with
gratification, but she felt that every consideration of decency,
economy, and pride compelled her to conceal it. To be made cheap was
the last horror that her mind could imagine; and all outward displays
seemed to level her with kitchen-maids and factory-girls.
‘Don’t be so boisterous, darling,’ she remonstrated, while her heart
longed to thank him for what he had done, and beg him to do it again.
In the daytime, however, the invisible audience before whom she lived
forbade these manifestations; only under the cover of darkness could
she feel them permissible. ‘It is too early in the day,’ said Gundred,
patting into place a curl that had never been out of it.
Not for the first time Kingston sighed and found himself baffled by
his wife’s perpetual assumption of virginity. Beyond the reach of
all allowed caresses, her soul remained untouched, immaculate. The
bloodless chastity of temperament that invested this last of Queen
Isabel’s offspring was for ever a barrier between man and wife. And
neither Kingston nor Gundred had any doubt as to whether the barrier
were natural or artificial. Both believed it an essential part of
Gundred’s nature. If Gundred herself ever doubted, she stifled the
doubt as ill-bred, repulsive, almost irreligious.
‘Ice-house!’ cried Kingston. ‘One may kiss your lips, but the real you
is far away beyond the reach of kisses.’
Gundred knew that this was not true, longed to deny it, yet was glad
that her husband thought it. She was taking a shamefaced, almost
fierce delight in the dialogue. For once her correct coldness had
proved a challenge. Too often she had grieved that the low temperature
of her behaviour was passing unregretted, unnoticed, and was even
beginning to lower the temperature of her lover. Cold she still wished
to be, for pride and decorum, yet without paying any of the penalties.
The personal intimacy that one aspect of marriage enforces only the
more impelled her soul, for the sake of its stiff self-respect, to take
refuge in all possible mental reservations and seclusions, by way of
indemnifying itself and justifying itself for the other candours into
which Nature had driven her, not unwilling, indeed, but always feeling
that she ought to be unwilling. Gundred’s temperament was civilized
very far below the surface, and the rough facts of life never ceased
to strike her as monstrous and barbaric. And most barbarous of all was
her own surprised acquiescence. She could only recapture her vanishing
dignity by emphasizing at every possible moment the immaculate
maidenhood of her mind. This was at once her revenge on Nature, and
on herself for loving what Nature sent. But her husband could not
understand these subtleties; no clue was given him to the labyrinth of
Gundred’s hidden emotions; he took her at her face-value, and imagined
her as deeply, incurably frigid as was the manner that she thought
proper to assume.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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