The Swamp Doctor's Adventures in The South-West: Containing the Whole of The Louisiana Swamp Doctor; Streaks of Squatter Life; and Far-Western Scenes; In a Series of Forty-Two Humorous Southern and Western Sketches, Descriptive of Incidents and CharacterRobb, John S.
General
The Swamp Doctor's Adventures in The South-West: Containing the Whole of The Louisiana Swamp Doctor; Streaks of Squatter Life; and Far-Western Scenes; In a Series of Forty-Two Humorous Southern and Western Sketches, Descriptive of Incidents and Character
Robb, John S.
Southwest, Old -- Social life and customs
“Now I want to do you a service, and you must take my advice. Jerk that
fish out, take the hook out of his mouth, and then put him back in the
bayou--perhaps his sweetheart was waiting for him when he got hung; and
as you are in a like predicament, you should be able to say to the gal,
'That mercy I to others show, that mercy show to me!' Go home, put on a
clean shirt, shave that hair off your face and upper lip; for a sensible
woman never yet accepted a man, with nothing but the tip of his nose
visible from its wilderness of hair. Dress yourself decently, go up to
old Smith's, wait till you get rested, then ask the girl to take a walk
in the garden--gardens are a h--ll of a place to make love in--to look
at the flowers, to eat radishes, to pluck grapes--anything for an excuse
to get her there--and when you have got her under the arbour, don't fall
on your knees, or any of your fool novel notions, but stand straight up
before her, take both of her hands in yours, look her dead in the eyes,
and ask her, in a bold, manly way--as if you were pricing pork--to marry
you. Will you do it? Speak quick! I'm interested in the matter, for if
you don't do it to-day, by the Lord, I will, for myself, to morrow. I
have held off for you long enough; and if you don't bring matters to
a close, as I say, in the next twenty-four hours, as cold weather
is coming on, I'll try my hand myself in the courting line--you know
doctors are the very devil amongst the women!”
This method of address alarmed Jerry, and he promised he would do as I
directed.
Accompanying him home, I saw him fairly dressed, and then left him, as
the demands of my patients were urgent.
Jerry mounted his steed, and set off at a brisk canter for Major
Smith's. It was only a mile and a half, and would have been travelled in
a quarter of an hour, had the steed kept his' gait. But, somehow, as
the distance shortened, the canter ceased, and a pace superseded it; the
last half, his rate had moderated to a walk; and when he made the last
turn in the road, his horse was browsing the grass and cane. Up to the
last few hundred yards, Jerry was as brave as a panther with cubs,
and determined on following out my prescription to the letter; but the
moment the house, with its white chimneys, commenced appearing round
the bend of the bayou, the white pin feathers began to peep out in
his heart, and verily, nothing, I believe, but my threat, if he proved
recreant to-day, of courting her myself on the morrow, kept him from
giving up the chase, and retracing his steps home.
But the house was reached, and the hearty voice of the Major, bidding
him alight, cut off all retreat. He was fairly in it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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