“We're at a landing, Ma'm, excuse me for a moment,” and off shot Sol. to his state room, where he seized a pair of well worn saddle-bags, and his old hat, which he had thus far carried with him, intending to have it brushed up, and started for the gang-way plank. The captain met him in his haste, and inquired where he was going? “Why, captain,” says Sol., “I like your boat vastly, and you know I like you, but there might be a 'blow up' if I stayed on board much longer.” “Explain,” says the captain. “Why, the fact is,” said Sol., “that lady you introduced me to has taken me for the Mormon Smith; now, I'm a good many Smith's when my family and titles are all collected, but I aint that Smith! Just tell her so for me, and give her my 'old hat'--it's the best I can do for her.” We needn't add that Brother Smith was straightway among the missing! HOSS ALLEN'S APOLOGY; OR, THE CANDIDATE'S NIGHT IN A MUSQUITO SWAMP! |Well, old fellow, you're a hoss!” is a western expression, which has grown into a truism as regards Judge Allen, and a finer specimen of a western judge, to use his constituents' language, “aint no whar,” for, besides being a sound jurist, he is a great wag, and the best practical joker within the circuit of six states. Among the wolf-scalp hunters of the western border of Missouri, Judge, or, as they more familiarly style him, Hoss Allen is all powerful popular, and the “bar” hunters of the southern section equally admire his free and easy manners--they consider him one of the people--none of your stuck-up imported chaps from the dandy states, but a real genuine westerner--in short, a hoss! Some of the Judge's admirers prevailed upon him, recently, to stand a canvass for the gubernatorial chair, in which he had Judge Edwards for an antagonist, and many are the rich jokes told of their political encounters. A marked difference characterizes the two men, and more striking opposites in disposition and demeanor would be hard to find, Edwards being slow, dignified, and methodical, while Hoss tosses dignity to the winds, and comes right down to a free and easy familiarity with the “boys.” Hoss Allen counted strong on the border counties, while his antagonist built his hopes on the centre.