The Swamp Doctor's Adventures in The South-West: Containing the Whole of The Louisiana Swamp Doctor; Streaks of Squatter Life; and Far-Western Scenes; In a Series of Forty-Two Humorous Southern and Western Sketches, Descriptive of Incidents and Character — John Shaqi
The Swamp Doctor's Adventures in The South-West: Containing the Whole of The Louisiana Swamp Doctor; Streaks of Squatter Life; and Far-Western Scenes; In a Series of Forty-Two Humorous Southern and Western Sketches, Descriptive of Incidents and CharacterRobb, John S.
General
The Swamp Doctor's Adventures in The South-West: Containing the Whole of The Louisiana Swamp Doctor; Streaks of Squatter Life; and Far-Western Scenes; In a Series of Forty-Two Humorous Southern and Western Sketches, Descriptive of Incidents and Character
Robb, John S.
Southwest, Old -- Social life and customs
“Yes, sir, I can pull your tooth. Is it an incisor, or a dens sapientiæ?
one of the decidua, or a permanent grinder?”
“It's a sizer, I reckon. It's the largest tooth in my jaw, anyhow, you
can see for yourself,” and the Kentuckian opening the lower half of his
face, disclosed a set of teeth that clearly showed that his half of the
alligator lay above.
“A molar requires extraction,” said I, as he laid his finger on the
aching fang.
“A molar! well, I'll be cus't but you doctors have queer names for
things! I reckon the next time I want a money-puss a molear will be
extracted too; ouch! What do you ax for pulling teeth, doc? I want to
git rid of the pesky thing.”
“A dollar, sir,” said I, pulling out the case of instruments and placing
a chair for him.
“A dollar! dollar h--ll! do you think the Yazoo Pass is full of kegs of
speshy? I'd see you mashed under a hogshead of pork 'fore I'd give you a
dollar to pull the thing,” and picking up his hat, which he had dashed on
the floor on his first entrance, off he started.
Seeing some fun in store, I winked at the rest of the students, whom
the loudness of our conversation had called from the other rooms of the
capacious office, and requested the subject to return.
“It's no use, stranger; I'd squirm all day fust 'fore I'd give you a
dollar to pull every tooth in my head,” said he.
“Well, Mister, times are hard, and I'll pull your tooth for half a
dollar,” said I, determined, if necessary, to give him pay before I
would lose the pulling of his tooth.
“You'll have to come down a notch lower, doc I wants to interduce
Kaintuck fashions on a Southern sile; and up thar, you can get a tooth
pulled and the agur 'scribed for, fur a quarter.”
“Well, but recollect, it's harder to pull teeth here than it is in
Kentucky.”
“Don't care a cuss; dimes is plentyer. I don't want to 'be stingy,
though, doc, and I'll tell you what I'll do. I feels sorter bad from
eatin' a mud-cat yesterday. I'll gin you a quarter to pull my tooth, if
you'll throw in a dose of castor ile.”
“It's a bargain,” said I. “I couldn't possibly afford to do it so low
if I didn't manufacture my own oil, and pull teeth on the 'Mississippi
patent plan,' without the least pain.”
“Well, I'se struck a breeze of luck, sure, to get it 'stracted without
hurtin', for I 'spected it would make all things pop, by hoecake.” And
“all things did pop,” certain, as the poor devil found to his sorrow,
before the “Mississippi patent plan” was over.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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