The Swoop! or, How Clarence Saved England: A Tale of the Great Invasion — John Shaqi
The Swoop! or, How Clarence Saved England: A Tale of the Great InvasionWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Swoop! or, How Clarence Saved England: A Tale of the Great Invasion
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Boy Scouts -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Imaginary wars and battles -- Fiction; Satire
"It is my duty to sit in a sort of rabbit-hutch in the outer office,
take the callers' names, and especially to see that they don't get
through to Mr. Quhayne till he wishes to receive them. That is the most
exacting part of my day's work. You wouldn't believe how full of the
purest swank some of these pros. are. Tell you they've got an
appointment as soon as look at you. Artful beggars!"
Clarence nodded sympathetically.
"This morning an Acrobat and Society Contortionist made such a fuss
that in the end I had to take his card in to the private office. Mr.
Quhayne was there talking to a gentleman whom I recognised as his
brother, Mr. Colquhoun. They were engrossed in their conversation, and
did not notice me for a moment. With no wish to play the eavesdropper,
I could not help but overhear. They were talking about the generals.
'Yes, I know they're press-agented at eight seventy-five, dear boy,' I
heard Mr. Quhayne say, 'but between you and me and the door-knob that
isn't what they're getting. The German feller's drawing five hundred of
the best, but I could only get four-fifty for the Russian. Can't say
why. I should have thought, if anything, he'd be the bigger draw. Bit
of a comic in his way!' And then he saw me. There was some slight
unpleasantness. In fact, I've got the sack. After it was over I came
away to try and find you. It seemed to me that the information might be
of importance."
Clarence's eyes gleamed.
"You have done splendidly, Private--no, _Corporal_ Biggs. Do not
regret your lost position. The society shall find you work. This news
you have brought is of the utmost--the most vital importance. Dash it!"
he cried, unbending in his enthusiasm, "we've got 'em on the hop. If
they aren't biting pieces out of each other in the next day or two, I'm
jolly well mistaken."
He rose; then sat down again.
"Corporal--no, dash it, Sergeant Biggs--you must have something with
me. This is an occasion. The news you have brought me may mean the
salvation of England. What would you like?"
The other saluted joyfully.
"I think I'll have another sparkling limado, thanks, awfully," he said.
The beverage arrived. They raised their glasses.
"To England," said Clarence simply.
"To England," echoed his subordinate.
* * * * *
Clarence left the shop with swift strides, and hurried, deep in
thought, to the offices of the _Encore_ in Wellington Street.
"Yus?" said the office-boy interrogatively.
Clarence gave the Scout's Siquand, the pass-word. The boy's demeanour
changed instantly. He saluted with the utmost respect.
"I wish to see the Editor," said Clarence.
A short speech, but one that meant salvation for the motherland.
Chapter 5
SEEDS OF DISCORD
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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