The Swoop! or, How Clarence Saved England: A Tale of the Great Invasion — John Shaqi
The Swoop! or, How Clarence Saved England: A Tale of the Great InvasionWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Swoop! or, How Clarence Saved England: A Tale of the Great Invasion
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Boy Scouts -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Imaginary wars and battles -- Fiction; Satire
Here, in the original draft of the article, there are reflections, at
some length, on the interior decorations of the Hall, and an excursus
on music-hall performances in general. It is not till he comes to
examine the audience that Mr. Kennedy returns to the main issue.
"And what manner of audience was it that had gathered together to view
the entertainment provided by the genial and courteous manager of the
Lobelia? The audience. Beyond whom there is no appeal. The Caesars of
the music-hall. The audience."
At this point the author has a few extremely interesting and thoughtful
remarks on the subject of audiences. These may be omitted. "In the
stalls I noted a solid body of Russian officers. These soldiers from
the Steppes. These bearded men. These Russians. They sat silent and
watchful. They applauded little. The programme left them cold. The
Trick Cyclist. The Dashing Soubrette and Idol of Belgravia. The
Argumentative College Chums. The Swell Comedian. The Man with the
Performing Canaries. None of these could rouse them. They were waiting.
Waiting. Waiting tensely. Every muscle taut. Husbanding their strength.
Waiting. For what?
"A man at my side told a friend that a fellow had told him that he had
been told by a commissionaire that the pit and gallery were full of
Russians. Russians. Russians everywhere. Why? Were they genuine patrons
of the Halls? Or were they there from some ulterior motive? There was
an air of suspense. We were all waiting. Waiting. For what?
"The atmosphere is summed up in a word. One word. Sinister. The
atmosphere was sinister.
"AA! A stir in the crowded house. The ruffling of the face of the sea
before a storm. The Sisters Sigsbee, Coon Delineators and Unrivalled
Burlesque Artists, have finished their dance, smiled, blown kisses,
skipped off, skipped on again, smiled, blown more kisses, and
disappeared. A long chord from the orchestra. A chord that is almost a
wail. A wail of regret for that which is past. Two liveried menials
appear. They carry sheets of cardboard. These menials carry sheets of
cardboard. But not blank sheets. On each sheet is a number.
"The number 15.
"Who is number 15?
"Prince Otto of Saxe-Pfennig. Prince Otto, General of the German Army.
Prince Otto is Number 15.
"A burst of applause from the house. But not from the Russians. They
are silent. They are waiting. For what?
"The orchestra plays a lively air. The massive curtains part. A tall,
handsome military figure strides on to the stage. He bows. This tall,
handsome, military man bows. He is Prince Otto of Saxe-Pfennig, General
of the Army of Germany. One of our conquerors.
"He begins to speak. 'Ladies and gentlemen.' This man, this general,
says, 'Ladies and gentlemen.'
"But no more. No more. No more. Nothing more. No more. He says, 'Ladies
and Gentlemen,' but no more.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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